Which Set of Grandparents Is Favored? The Truth Unpacked

The classic question: maternal or paternal?

Ah yes, the age-old dilemma — which set of grandparents do the grandkids prefer? Or maybe more to the point: which set do the parents lean toward?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, obviously. But research, psychology, and plain ol' family drama do offer some clues. And yep, sometimes it’s awkward.

So let’s break it down. Because favoritism does happen. Sometimes subtly. Sometimes... not so subtly.

What the research actually says

Maternal grandparents usually come out on top

Several studies — including a well-known one from the University of Oxford — show that maternal grandmothers are most likely to be the closest to their grandchildren.

Why? Evolutionary biology, they say. Since moms are more certain of their biological link to their kids than dads (obviously), maternal grandmothers are the most sure they’re related to the baby. That builds instinctive closeness. Strange but kinda makes sense, right?

Plus, let’s be real: moms often have more say in who gets access to the kids. If you're close to your daughter, you’ll probably see the grandkids more. Boom. Advantage: maternal side.

Relationship dynamics play a huge role

It’s not just genetics — it’s emotions

Even if the science suggests one side gets favored, the vibes in the family matter more.

• Did one grandma help during the newborn phase? She’s gonna be the MVP.

• Did one grandpa show up to every soccer game? Instant bond.

• Did one in-law start weirdly criticizing the parenting style? Uh-oh.

I've seen it firsthand. My wife's parents were always texting “Need help with anything today?” while mine were more like “Let us know when you're free!” Guess who the kids know better?

Physical distance matters too

Proximity often equals preference. If one set of grandparents lives 5 minutes away and the others are 3 hours out — yeah, it's not rocket science.

Add in work schedules, energy levels, health issues... and you start to see why “favoritism” is sometimes just practicality in disguise.

Cultural and societal expectations

In some cultures, the paternal side dominates

In many parts of Asia, Africa, and the Middle East, paternal grandparents often hold a more dominant role — especially when families live in multigenerational households.

There’s a sense of lineage, name-carrying, and family hierarchy that gives the dad’s side a stronger footing.

But in Western countries, especially among millennials and Gen Z parents? That whole structure is shifting fast. The mom’s comfort zone = the kids’ exposure zone.

When favoritism becomes a problem

The silent tensions

Here’s where it gets messy. One set of grandparents notices they’re not as involved. They feel hurt. Maybe left out. Maybe judged.

And then... passive-aggressive comments at dinner.

“Looks like somebody gets more cuddle time than we do.”
Oof. That kind of thing spirals fast.

Open communication helps, sure. But let’s not pretend it’s always easy. Balancing grandparent relationships can feel like navigating emotional landmines with a stroller in one hand and spit-up on your shirt.

Final thoughts: favored doesn’t mean loved more

So — which set of grandparents is favored?

Often, it's the maternal side.
Sometimes, it's the one who shows up most.
Other times, it's just... whoever brings snacks.

But honestly? Most kids don’t sit there doing a tally. They just remember the hugs, the stories, the laughter, and that one time grandpa let them eat ice cream for breakfast.

And that — more than family politics — is what really sticks.

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