Can You Have Feelings for Someone but Not Want to Be with Them?

Wait… is that even possible? (Spoiler: yes, totally)

You might feel like a total weirdo for asking this, but let me tell you — you're not. I had this exact conversation last week with my friend Jordan. He looked at me, half-guilty, half-confused, and said, "I still love her... but I don’t want to get back together. Does that make me a jerk?"

No, it doesn't. It makes you human. Complicated, layered, messy, real. Because feelings and decisions don’t always line up. You can care deeply about someone and still choose not to be in a relationship with them — and there are legit reasons for that.

The difference between feelings and compatibility

Love isn’t always enough (ugh, I know)

We've all grown up on those love stories where emotion conquers everything — even logic, even trauma, even distance. But real life? Doesn’t work like that. You might:

• Feel emotionally connected

• Miss them when they’re not around

• Remember the good times with actual warmth

…and still know deep down: “This wouldn’t work again. Or ever.”

I once dated someone who made me feel butterflies like crazy. But we constantly clashed about the big stuff — how we handle money, family, even communication styles. After we broke up, I still had feelings. For months. But I also knew: I couldn’t go back. And yeah, it hurt like hell.

Feelings ≠ future

Liking or even loving someone doesn’t mean they’re your person long-term. Sometimes love is part of the story, not the whole damn book.

Reasons you might not want to be with someone (even if you care)

You’ve outgrown the connection

Maybe the relationship fit a version of you from the past — but now you’ve grown. Your values shifted. Your boundaries got stronger. You see things more clearly.

I changed after therapy. The person I once saw as my “safe place” became someone who triggered anxiety instead. I still wanted good things for them — but not from inside the relationship.

The timing is just off

Ugh, the worst one. Right person, wrong time. One of you is focused on career. The other is healing from something heavy. Or maybe you’re both just… not ready.

It doesn’t mean the love wasn’t real. It just means you know better than to force it.

They’re not good for your mental health

This one is hard. Because it usually comes with guilt.

But if someone’s behavior makes you feel small, anxious, unseen — even if they “don’t mean it” — you have every right to walk away. Even if part of you still loves them.

I stayed too long in one relationship because I kept thinking, “But I care. Isn’t that supposed to count for something?” It did. But it wasn’t enough to undo the damage.

The internal conflict: heart vs. head

You’re not broken — you’re just aware

That tug-of-war feeling? Where part of you wants to text them and the other part is yelling “NO, DON’T DO IT”?

Yeah. Been there. It's exhausting. But it also shows growth. You’re feeling and thinking. That’s healthy, even if it’s painful.

Jordan (the friend I mentioned earlier) told me he kept replaying old conversations in his head, trying to convince himself he was cold-hearted. I told him: “No, man. You’re actually being mature.”

Mixed feelings don’t make you dishonest

There’s this myth that you either love someone or you don’t. As if anything in human relationships is that binary. You can love someone and know they’re not right for you. That’s not dishonesty. That’s clarity.

What should you do with those feelings?

Sit with them — don’t shove them away

Let yourself feel. Write it out. Talk to a friend who won’t just say “get over it.” Feelings that get buried tend to explode later.

Don’t rush into a new relationship to forget

Please don’t rebound just to shut your heart up. It won’t work. The feelings will come with you — and they’ll be even messier next time.

Take time. Let the sadness and the relief coexist. They both belong.

Focus on what you’re choosing for yourself

At the end of the day, choosing not to be with someone — even someone you love — is an act of self-respect. You’re saying:
“I deserve peace. I deserve alignment. I deserve a relationship that fits.”

That takes guts. That’s strength. That’s love — for yourself.

Final thoughts: it’s okay to feel both love and distance

Yes, you can absolutely have feelings for someone and not want to be with them. It’s more common than you think — and it doesn’t make you cold, confused, or wrong.

It makes you honest. It makes you careful. And in the long run, it makes space for the kind of connection that aligns not just with your heart... but with your whole life.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.