How Do You Apologize for Being a Gaslighter? A Step-by-Step Guide

Gaslighting. It's a term that's thrown around a lot these days, and for good reason. If you've realized that you've engaged in gaslighting behavior—intentionally or unintentionally—apologizing is not only a step toward healing but also essential for mending the relationship. But, how exactly do you apologize for gaslighting? The process is delicate, and there's no one-size-fits-all answer, but here's a guide to help you navigate this emotional terrain.

Understanding Gaslighting: The First Step to an Apology

Before we dive into the "how," it's crucial to understand what gaslighting really is. Gaslighting refers to manipulating someone into questioning their own reality, memory, or perceptions. It's a form of emotional abuse, and it can be incredibly damaging. But here's the thing—if you're asking how to apologize for gaslighting, it means you've already recognized the harm, which is a huge first step.

Why Recognizing Gaslighting Is So Important

I had a chat with my friend Carla the other day about this. She told me how, looking back, she realized how she subtly manipulated her ex-partner into doubting his experiences. She didn’t see it at the time, but now that she’s aware, she wants to make it right. Recognizing the problem is the hardest part, but it’s also the most important. Without it, you can’t take the next step—apologizing sincerely.

How to Apologize: The Key Steps to Take Responsibility

Now that you’ve acknowledged what you’ve done, it’s time to focus on how to apologize. A gaslighting apology needs to be sincere, thoughtful, and, above all, without any excuses. Here are some things you need to keep in mind when you apologize.

1. Acknowledge What You Did—No Deflecting

A genuine apology starts with acknowledging your actions without shifting the blame. This is harder than it sounds, I know. I remember when I made a mistake with a close friend and, instead of simply owning up to it, I tried to justify my behavior. Not my best moment.

When it comes to gaslighting, you can’t afford to say something like, "I'm sorry if you felt hurt" or "Maybe I did that, but you took it the wrong way." Those kinds of apologies are dismissive and don’t acknowledge the damage done. Instead, say something like, "I now realize that I manipulated your reality and made you doubt your own thoughts and feelings, and I am truly sorry for that."

2. Be Honest and Take Responsibility

If you were intentionally trying to manipulate the situation, it's important to admit that. But if it was unintentional, be clear about the fact that you didn't realize the impact of your behavior at the time. It’s okay to admit you made a mistake, but own it fully. Don’t try to minimize what happened, or say, "Well, I didn’t mean to hurt you." That’s just another form of deflection.

3. Offer a Clear Explanation of Your Behavior

While you don’t need to over-explain yourself or offer justifications, providing some context can help the other person understand where you were coming from (even if it doesn’t excuse the behavior). You can say something like, "I was feeling insecure and tried to control the situation by manipulating your perception, and that was wrong." This shows that you are reflecting on the root causes of your actions, not just the symptoms.

Rebuilding Trust After Gaslighting

Saying sorry is one thing, but how do you rebuild trust when you’ve been caught gaslighting someone? Rebuilding trust isn’t easy, but it’s possible if you’re committed to doing the work.

1. Commit to Change

When my cousin Ryan admitted to gaslighting his partner in the past, he asked, “How can I make it right?” One of the first things I told him was: “You need to show through your actions that you’ve changed.” A sincere apology means nothing without follow-through. Talk is cheap, right?

You need to actively change the behaviors that led to the gaslighting in the first place. Whether it’s seeking therapy, improving communication, or learning healthier ways to express yourself, you have to prove that you’re not going to repeat those harmful patterns.

2. Be Patient with Their Healing Process

If the person you’ve gaslighted is open to your apology, that’s a huge step. However, don’t expect them to forgive you right away, or for things to go back to normal instantly. Healing takes time, and you need to respect their pace. I’ve seen a friend of mine, Chloe, go through the process of forgiving someone who gaslit her, and it was a long road. She told me it took months of consistent honesty and effort for her to feel safe again.

Offering Your Apology: What Not to Do

Sometimes, it’s just as important to know what not to do when apologizing for gaslighting. Here are a few things to avoid:

1. Don’t Demand Forgiveness

A genuine apology doesn’t come with conditions. It’s not: “I’m sorry, but you need to forgive me now”. Let the other person process their feelings without pressure.

2. Don’t Expect Everything to Go Back to Normal Immediately

Even if your apology is well-received, don’t rush the process of rebuilding the relationship. Trust takes time to restore, and the other person might need space to heal.

Conclusion: The Path Forward After Gaslighting

Apologizing for gaslighting isn’t easy, but it’s a critical step toward healing for both you and the person you’ve harmed. By acknowledging your behavior, taking full responsibility, and showing a genuine commitment to change, you can begin to rebuild trust. However, remember that this is just the beginning—the work you put into changing your actions and being patient with the other person’s healing process is what will determine if the relationship can truly move forward.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.