How Does Tom Control Daisy? The Dark Power Behind Gatsby's Rival

The Power Dynamics Between Tom and Daisy

From the very start of The Great Gatsby, it’s clear: Tom Buchanan holds a strange kind of power over Daisy. It’s not just about wealth — though that plays a big role — it’s emotional, psychological, and honestly, a bit manipulative.

He doesn’t control her with affection. In fact, he's often arrogant, dismissive, even cruel. But somehow, she stays.

So… why?

Let’s dig into how Tom exerts control over Daisy — and why she lets him.

Wealth and Social Status: The Golden Cage

Tom represents stability (even if it’s toxic)

Tom is old money. His wealth is inherited, solid, and — most importantly — socially accepted. Daisy grew up in the same world, and for her, that kind of security is part of the package.

Yeah, Gatsby’s rich too, but his wealth is “new.” Shady origins. Too much flash, not enough roots. And Daisy? She’s terrified of falling.

Tom knows this. He uses it. In Chapter 7, he even mocks Gatsby’s background, calling him a “Mr. Nobody.” Not because it’s true — but because he knows it rattles Daisy.

Her lifestyle depends on him

Whether it’s the mansion in East Egg, the servants, the endless leisure — Daisy’s comfort zone is built on Tom’s money. That creates a subtle pressure. Leaving him wouldn’t just be leaving a man; it’d be leaving a whole way of life.

And let’s be honest: Daisy’s not exactly the rebel type.

Emotional Manipulation: Cold, But Effective

He reminds her of her place

Tom treats Daisy like his. Not in a romantic way — more like property. There’s this moment in Chapter 7 when he says, “She’s not leaving me!” with absolute certainty. It’s less about love and more about possession.

Creepy? 100%. But that kind of control — that ability to make someone feel trapped in a role — is powerful.

He’s aggressive, dominant, loud

Tom is, well, loud. He interrupts, shouts, throws his weight around (literally and figuratively). And Daisy? She’s soft-spoken, fluttery, delicate. That imbalance means Tom often overwhelms her emotionally.

There’s an argument that Daisy’s afraid of confrontation. She doesn’t fight back, not really. Even when she wants something (like Gatsby), she waits for others to act. Tom takes advantage of that.

Fear and Habit: A Subtle Cage

Fear of the unknown

Leaving Tom would mean change. Uncertainty. Public scandal, maybe. And Daisy — for all her charm — is not a risk-taker.

Tom uses this to keep her close. Not by threat, necessarily, but by making the alternative scarier than staying.

Gatsby promises love, but Tom offers structure. And when push comes to shove… Daisy picks safety.

She's used to it

People stay in toxic dynamics not because they like them, but because they’re familiar. Tom’s presence in Daisy’s life is constant. Predictable. And sometimes, habit is stronger than love.

It’s like that scene after Myrtle’s death. Daisy and Tom are in the kitchen, whispering, leaning in. There’s no passion — just quiet understanding. As if they’ve been here before.

So… Why Doesn’t Daisy Leave?

That’s the real question, right?

Maybe she loves Gatsby (kind of). Maybe she hates Tom (a little). But in the end, she stays. And that’s the most brutal part of Tom’s control: he never has to say “don’t leave” — because he knows she won’t.

Whether it’s fear, manipulation, or just the crushing weight of social expectations — it works.

Tom controls Daisy not with affection, but with power.
Through money, status, manipulation, and familiarity, he keeps her exactly where he wants her — by his side, in silence. And maybe that’s what makes him the real villain of Gatsby’s world. Not because he’s loud and angry, but because he wins — without ever really earning it.

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