Is Silent Treatment Toxic? What It Really Does to Relationships

What exactly is the silent treatment?

Let’s clear this up first. The silent treatment isn't just "taking a breather" or needing space after a heated argument. It's a deliberate choice to ignore someone — not responding to their messages, not acknowledging their presence, sometimes not even making eye contact. Basically, acting like they don’t exist.

And sure, we all need a cool-down moment sometimes. But when silence turns into a weapon... oof. That’s a different story.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

Emotional self-defense… or control tactic?

Sometimes people go silent because they feel overwhelmed. Like, they genuinely don’t know what to say or need time to collect their thoughts. Fair enough, right?

But here’s where it flips: when silence is used to punish, to make the other person feel guilty, desperate, or powerless — that’s when it gets toxic. It stops being about protecting yourself and becomes about controlling the other.

I once had a friend (let’s call her T) who wouldn’t talk to her boyfriend for three days because he forgot to bring her coffee. No explanation, no convo. Just ice. He was a wreck. That’s not conflict resolution — that’s emotional manipulation.

Passive-aggressive behavior

Honestly, it’s classic passive-aggression. Instead of saying “I’m hurt” or “I need space,” silence says “You don’t deserve my words.” It sends a message — just not a healthy one.

The psychological impact: is it really that bad?

Short answer: yes. Long answer... also yes, but let’s break it down.

Anxiety and self-doubt

If you've ever been on the receiving end of the silent treatment, you know it messes with your head. You start overthinking. Did I do something wrong? Should I apologize? Am I not worth talking to?

It creates emotional instability — and honestly, it can feel like emotional abandonment.

Long-term relationship damage

The more it happens, the worse it gets. Trust erodes. Resentment builds. It creates a communication gap that keeps widening. Some couples start using silence instead of actually dealing with problems. It's like putting duct tape on a leaking pipe.

Eventually, stuff just breaks.

When is silence not toxic?

Okay — not all silence is evil. Let’s not overreact here.

Taking space to cool off

If someone says, “I need a bit of space right now, but we’ll talk later,” that’s actually super healthy. It’s intentional, communicated, and temporary. The difference is in how the silence is used and why.

Silence without communication = punishment.
Silence with clarity = emotional regulation.

Subtle but important distinction.

Cultural or personality factors

Some people grow up in environments where expressing emotion openly is discouraged. Others are naturally conflict-avoidant. That doesn’t make them toxic — it just means they might need help learning healthier patterns.

(And to be fair, not everyone’s comfortable yelling things out like in the movies. Some folks are just... quiet. Let’s cut them some slack.)

What to do if you’re facing the silent treatment?

Call it out gently

Not with accusations — with curiosity. Something like:
"Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been distant. Is something bothering you?"

You might get a grunt or shrug. But at least you’re opening the door.

Set boundaries

If silence keeps being used as a form of control, you’re allowed to say no. Like:
"I understand if you need space, but ignoring me for days isn't okay. Let’s figure out another way to handle this."

Takes guts, but it’s worth it.

Therapy, if things get stuck

Sometimes communication patterns get so entrenched that outside help is the only way through. No shame in that — actually, it shows maturity.

Final thoughts (I almost changed my mind, but…)

At first, I wanted to say the silent treatment can be toxic. Now I think — more often than not, it is toxic. Not always on purpose, but the impact still hits hard. Especially when it becomes a recurring thing.

So yeah, a little silence can be healthy. But the kind that leaves you guessing, hurting, and doubting yourself? That’s not love. That’s control — and it’s time we call it what it is.

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The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

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How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

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Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

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Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.