What Are the 5 Elements of Conversation? The Real Secret to Talking Better

Why conversations fall flat (and how to fix it)

Okay, let me be honest. I've had so many conversations where I walked away thinking, "Well... that was awkward."
Whether it was a job interview, a first date, or just trying to talk to my neighbor about trash pickup—some chats just don’t flow.
But why?

Last week, I was talking to my friend Julie (she’s a therapist and honestly scary good at talking to anyone), and I asked her, “What makes a good conversation?”
She said: “There are five things. Five real things people skip.”
So I took notes—and yeah, she’s right. These five elements? They matter. A lot.

1. Listening: the underrated superpower

It’s not just "waiting for your turn to speak"

We've all been there—talking to someone who’s clearly zoning out, waiting to jump in with their story. It sucks.

Real listening means being present. Not rehearsing your next line. Not scrolling through your phone.
Julie calls it “active silence.” I love that.

One time, during a tough convo with my brother, I tried just shutting up and really listening. No fixing. No judging. And for once, he didn’t shut down. He opened up.

Moral of the story? If you can really listen, you’ve already won 50% of the conversation.

2. Turn-taking: it’s a dance, not a monologue

If you’re talking more than 70% of the time… oops

Good conversation is give and take. It’s not a speech. You talk, I talk. Back and forth. That rhythm creates comfort.

There’s no stopwatch, but you know when you’ve talked too long. Watch their eyes. If they glaze over? Time to wrap it up.

A colleague of mine, Sam, once said: “If you’re the only one laughing at your story... you’re probably talking too much.” Brutal. But true.

3. Clarity: say what you mean (and mean what you say)

No one likes decoding vague nonsense

We’ve all tried to have a conversation with someone who uses 100 words when 10 would do. It’s exhausting.

Being clear doesn’t mean robotic. It means you respect the other person’s brain enough to get to the point.

I used to say stuff like, “So I kinda thought maybe it might be nice if, I don’t know, we could possibly…”
Now I try: “Wanna grab coffee Tuesday?” Life got easier.

4. Empathy: the magic ingredient

Without it, you’re just... talking at someone

Empathy means tuning into how the other person feels, not just what they’re saying.
If someone says, “It’s been a rough week,” you don’t say, “Oh yeah? Mine too.” You say: “What happened?”

Julie once told me, “You don’t need to relate, you need to receive.”
That blew my mind.

This is where most convos crash—because we don’t pause to connect. If you want deep, meaningful conversations? Empathy isn’t optional. It’s the whole point.

5. Body language: your mouth lies, your face doesn’t

People hear what your body says louder than your words

Your tone, eyes, posture—they’re all shouting.
If you say, “That’s interesting,” while looking at your phone? Nobody believes you.

Try this sometime: mirror the other person’s energy just a little. Lean in when they do. Nod when they pause. It’s not manipulation—it’s connection.

I once had a 10-minute convo with a stranger in line for coffee, and we were completely in sync. Smiling, reacting, locked in. Didn’t even know his name. But it felt... real.

Bonus: Be willing to mess up

Great conversations aren't perfect. They’re real.

Here’s something I realized way too late: you’re allowed to fumble.
To forget a word. To pause awkwardly. To say, “Wait, what were we talking about again?”

The best talks I’ve had weren’t smooth. They were honest. Sometimes funny, sometimes weird, sometimes deeply emotional. But they were alive.

So don’t aim for polished. Aim for present.

Final thoughts: the five elements in action

Let’s recap:

• Listen. Like, really listen.

• Take turns. Share the mic.

• Be clear. Don’t overcomplicate.

• Have empathy. Tune in.

• Watch your body. It’s louder than you think.

You master these? You’re not just talking—you’re connecting.
And that, my friend, is what conversation is actually for.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.