What Level of Cohesion is Most Adaptive for Family Functioning?

So, you're wondering what level of cohesion works best for a family to function well? Well, let me tell you right away, it’s not as simple as saying "more is better" or "less is better." Family cohesion is such a nuanced thing—too much, and you might risk stifling individuality; too little, and you could end up with disconnection and emotional distance. The key is finding the right balance. And trust me, it’s something I’ve learned a lot about over the years, both in my own family and in my professional work.

Understanding Family Cohesion

Okay, first things first. What does "cohesion" mean in the context of family functioning? Essentially, it’s the level of emotional closeness and support that family members feel towards one another. It's that sense of being bonded—of having each other's back, but without crossing the line where everyone is just too involved in each other’s personal space.

There's a popular model in family therapy called the Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems by David Olson. It categorizes family cohesion into three levels:

• Low cohesion: Families that are disconnected, where members have a lot of autonomy but little emotional closeness.
• Balanced cohesion: Families that strike a healthy balance between independence and togetherness.
• High cohesion: Families where members are extremely close-knit and overly involved in each other’s lives, sometimes to the point of dependency.

Now, it’s pretty clear that the most adaptive level of cohesion lies somewhere in the middle—balanced cohesion. But let me explain why that is.

The Goldilocks Zone: Balanced Cohesion

Here’s the thing. Balanced cohesion seems to be the sweet spot because it allows family members to feel connected and supported, without losing their individual identity. I remember a conversation with a friend of mine who was going through some family issues, and one thing she mentioned really struck me. She said, "I feel like I can't even breathe in my own house sometimes. My mom calls me every day just to check in, and I’m 30!"

That’s a classic case of high cohesion that tips over into over-involvement. Sure, her mom means well, but when every single decision is questioned, or when you can't even have space to think for yourself, that can be suffocating.

Balanced cohesion, on the other hand, is about support when you need it and autonomy when you want it. Family members in this type of environment know they can count on each other, but they also have the freedom to grow as individuals. It’s a dynamic that nurtures both emotional intimacy and personal growth.

How Balanced Cohesion Looks in Practice

Okay, so now you're probably wondering, “What does balanced cohesion actually look like?” Well, it’s the family where you feel supported but not smothered. It’s about having shared values and a general sense of togetherness without constantly being on top of each other.

For example, in my family, we have this unspoken rule: we check in with each other, but we also respect each other's personal time. It’s a huge relief, honestly. There’s this balance between being there when it counts (like during tough times or celebrations) and letting each person carve out their own space.

I know another family where the parents make it a point to have one-on-one time with each of their kids, without the others around. This way, each child gets the attention and emotional support they need, but it’s not like the whole family is suffocating under a pile of group activities and expectations.

Why Too Much Cohesion Isn’t Always the Best

On the flip side, high cohesion—while it might sound ideal—can be harmful. I’m talking about families that are overly involved in one another's business. This is when boundaries get blurred, and it can get tricky. For instance, think about a family where one parent micromanages the choices of their adult children or where siblings feel like they have to “protect” each other at all costs, even if it means making personal decisions for one another.

That’s when it goes beyond healthy support and starts feeling like control. I’ve seen a few cases where people end up struggling to create their own lives because their families are too involved. They feel guilty when they try to branch out or make independent decisions. That’s not healthy for anyone.

The Role of Flexibility in Family Functioning

Another thing to keep in mind is flexibility. Healthy families aren’t rigid—they adapt. Sometimes, high cohesion may work if everyone is facing a tough time, like a health crisis or a financial struggle. At times like that, the family may come together more strongly, but it’s important to return to that balanced state once the crisis is over. Families that are too rigid—where roles and emotional dynamics never change—can create stress for everyone involved.

My own family has had its ups and downs, and I remember during a particularly hard period, we leaned on each other a lot. But we knew it couldn’t stay like that forever. Once the situation calmed down, we all took a step back to re-establish a more balanced connection. And honestly, I think that’s what kept us functional and emotionally healthy.

Conclusion: Finding What Works for You

So, what’s the optimal level of cohesion for your family? The short answer is balanced cohesion—where there's closeness, emotional support, but also room for individuality and personal space. That middle ground allows everyone to feel connected while respecting each other’s autonomy. It’s the kind of environment where family members don’t feel smothered or emotionally distant, and it leads to a healthier overall dynamic.

Remember, every family is different, so this "balance" can look different depending on your unique circumstances. But finding that sweet spot is essential for a family to function well over the long term. So, keep experimenting, keep communicating, and keep checking in with each other to make sure everyone feels supported without losing themselves in the process. Trust me, it's worth it.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.