Why Is It Impossible for Me to Relax? The Truth Behind Constant Tension

Feeling tense all the time? You're not imagining it

If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just chill like everyone else?” — you’re not alone. Some people genuinely find it almost impossible to relax, even when life is technically calm.

Your body’s tired, your mind's racing, and even on vacation you're scrolling emails or mentally rehearsing arguments that never happened. Sounds familiar?

Yeah, it's a thing — and there's actually science behind it.

Common reasons why you can’t relax

Chronic stress rewires your brain

No kidding. Long-term stress messes with your nervous system, especially the fight-or-flight response.
Basically, your brain starts to believe that being "on edge" is the new normal.

Cortisol (the stress hormone) stays elevated, and your parasympathetic nervous system — the one that’s supposed to calm you down — gets weaker over time.

So even when nothing’s wrong, your body acts like something’s definitely wrong. Awesome.

Anxiety never really sleeps

Anxiety is sneaky. It doesn't always show up as panic attacks. Sometimes it's just this low-level buzzing, like background noise you can’t mute. It keeps your muscles tight, your thoughts looping, your jaw clenched.

Even if you try to relax (yoga, deep breaths, Netflix…), anxiety can keep whispering:

“Did you forget something? Shouldn’t you be doing more right now?”

Yeah, thanks brain.

Productivity guilt (aka hustle culture hangover)

We're trained to think that doing nothing is lazy. So when you finally sit down with a tea and a book, your mind goes:

“You could be cleaning. Or answering that text. Or finishing that project.”

This guilt isn't rational. It’s conditioned — and it’s exhausting.

Trauma and rest: an uncomfortable relationship

Your body doesn’t always feel safe

People who’ve experienced trauma (even small ‘t’ trauma) often have a hard time feeling safe enough to rest.

You might not even connect the dots. But if your past taught you that rest = vulnerability = danger, your nervous system will fight every nap and quiet moment like it’s a threat.

That’s why some people feel more anxious when they try to meditate. Wild, right?

Hypervigilance becomes a habit

Being constantly alert can become your default mode — especially if it once helped you survive. But now? It just burns you out.

Relaxing feels wrong because your brain's waiting for the other shoe to drop. Again, not your fault. But it does need attention.

When relaxing feels like doing nothing (and that’s terrifying)

The fear of the “quiet”

Stillness leaves space for thoughts you've been avoiding. Regrets, grief, self-doubt — they can creep in when things get quiet. So, you stay busy to outrun them.

But here’s the kicker: that strategy only works for so long. Eventually, your mind (and body) will demand rest — whether you like it or not.

Burnout, anyone?

What can you actually do about it?

Start with micro-moments

Instead of aiming to “fully relax,” try tiny pauses:

• 10 seconds of deep breathing

• Looking out the window with no phone

• Lying on the floor for 1 minute with your eyes closed

Don’t expect to feel amazing. Just practice being. Over time, your nervous system starts to adapt.

Reframe what “relaxing” means

Relaxing doesn’t always mean lying on a beach. It can be:

• Cooking slowly

• Painting terribly

• Walking without music

• Journaling messily

If it brings your brain out of survival mode — even for five minutes — it counts.

Get help if it feels too big

If you genuinely can’t relax, ever, and it's affecting your sleep, your health, your relationships… talk to someone.
Therapists can help untangle what’s going on underneath that constant tension.

It’s not weakness. It’s self-awareness.

Final thoughts: relaxation isn't always easy, but it is possible

If relaxing feels impossible for you, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body and mind are stuck in survival mode — maybe for good reason.

But healing is possible. Step by step, breath by breath. And hey, even just reading this far is already a start.
So maybe, just maybe… take a deep breath right now.

Nobody’s watching.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.