What Did Baba Want Amir to Be? Exploring the Father-Son Relationship

In Khaled Hosseini’s novel The Kite Runner, Baba, the father of the protagonist Amir, plays a pivotal role in shaping Amir’s life and choices. The relationship between Baba and Amir is complex, filled with expectations, disappointments, and emotional turbulence. But one central question resonates throughout their relationship: What did Baba want Amir to be?

This question reveals the struggles of fathers who wish their children to inherit their legacy, and the emotional conflict children feel when they try to meet those expectations. Let’s delve into Baba’s desires for Amir and how it impacts their relationship.

Baba’s Expectations for Amir: The Drive for Greatness

1. A Reflection of His Own Legacy

From the very beginning of the novel, it’s clear that Baba has big aspirations for Amir. Baba is a man of pride, strength, and achievement. He built a successful life in Afghanistan, gaining respect and influence in their community. Naturally, Baba wants Amir to follow in his footsteps and be someone who commands respect, just like he did. He expects Amir to be a person of integrity, honor, and courage—traits that Baba believes are essential for a man.

In a conversation I had with a friend about Baba’s expectations, we both agreed that it’s easy to see how Baba's own unfulfilled dreams influenced his desire for Amir to be strong and capable. He wanted Amir to be a reflection of his own success, but there’s a sadness in that too—Baba’s need to see his own traits in Amir, rather than allowing Amir to shape his identity.

2. The Push for Physical Strength and Boldness

Baba, being a physically imposing figure, expects Amir to possess physical strength and to show bravery. He admires toughness and believes it is an important characteristic for a man to have. This is one of the reasons why he shows disappointment when Amir does not enjoy activities like soccer or showing aggression. Baba sees Amir’s sensitive and artistic nature—his love for writing and storytelling—as weakness, something not in line with his vision of manhood.

I can recall a personal conversation I had with a friend who struggled with similar issues with his father. His dad always wanted him to be athletic and “toughen up,” but he preferred theater and music. The disconnect is something that many children experience when their interests clash with their parents' expectations. Baba's disappointment in Amir’s interests, like writing, becomes a recurring source of conflict.

Amir’s Struggle: The Burden of Expectations

1. The Fear of Disappointment

Amir's insecurities grow as he realizes that he is failing to meet Baba's expectations. The pressure to live up to his father’s image becomes a central theme of Amir’s life, pushing him to seek approval in all the wrong ways. Instead of developing his own sense of self, Amir spends much of his childhood trying to gain Baba's approval through achievements that he doesn’t truly care about, like winning the kite fighting tournament.

This constant struggle reminds me of a conversation I had with my brother, who also felt the weight of our father’s expectations to pursue a career in medicine when all he really wanted was to be an artist. The desire to meet those expectations can often overshadow our own desires, leaving us questioning who we truly are.

2. A Complicated Father-Son Relationship

Despite Baba’s harsh expectations, there’s a deeper, more emotional layer to his relationship with Amir. Baba loves Amir, but his love is conditional on Amir being someone he is not. This creates a toxic cycle where Amir feels he is never enough. Even when Amir makes an attempt to meet Baba’s expectations, like winning the kite fighting tournament, it’s not enough. Baba’s high standards and the emotional distance between them only widen the gap.

I’m sure you’ve noticed in your own life, there are times when you might feel your efforts are unappreciated, and this can breed frustration. Amir’s feelings of inadequacy are a direct result of his father’s inability to accept him for who he is, rather than who Baba wants him to be.

The Transformation of Amir: Becoming His Own Man

1. The Journey Toward Self-Discovery

As the story progresses, Amir’s journey becomes less about meeting Baba’s expectations and more about finding his own voice. By the end of the novel, Amir has learned that his worth does not depend on Baba’s approval but on his own actions. Through redemption, forgiveness, and self-acceptance, Amir begins to define himself, shedding the weight of Baba’s unspoken wishes.

I had a conversation with a colleague recently who shared how his own life was transformed after he stopped living for his father’s approval. It was one of those moments where I realized that the search for self-worth can only come when we stop trying to be what others expect us to be.

2. The Realization of Baba’s Love

In an emotional twist, Amir comes to realize that Baba’s expectations were never about hatred or a lack of love, but about his own struggles to express affection in a way that Amir could understand. Baba’s love was difficult to recognize because it was wrapped in such high standards and expectations. By learning to forgive and understand his father, Amir begins to see his own worth and gains a sense of peace that was never available while trying to please Baba.

Conclusion: Baba’s Desire for Amir to Be Great

At the end of the day, Baba wanted Amir to be a reflection of his own strength and success, but this desire created a lot of conflict in their relationship. Amir’s journey in The Kite Runner is a painful yet inspiring one. It shows how the quest for approval can often overshadow personal growth and self-identity. Baba’s expectations, though well-intentioned, are ultimately a source of pain and distance.

As you reflect on Baba’s wishes for Amir, ask yourself: How much of what you do is driven by the expectations of others? And at what point do you start to listen to your own desires? It’s a tough balance, but it’s something everyone struggles with at some point in their life.

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How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

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Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

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