What Age Is Hardest for Parents to Divorce? The Emotional Struggles You Didn't Expect

Divorce is never easy, no matter your age, but when you're a parent, the emotional complexity skyrockets. As much as we try to protect our kids, the reality is, separation takes a toll on everyone involved. But which stage of your child’s life makes it hardest for parents to divorce? Let’s dive into the age groups and explore what makes certain moments in their development a bit more challenging.

The Toddler Years: The Messy, Tearful Early Struggles

Let’s start with the youngest. You might think that babies and toddlers won’t even remember the divorce. It’s easy to assume that because they can’t articulate their feelings, they won’t be affected. Right?

Well… not quite. As a parent, you can probably already sense how much they feed off your emotions, right? Even though they don’t have the words, they pick up on tension and stress. During this phase, the emotional instability of divorce can create insecurity for your little one, especially with their attachment to one or both parents. They crave stability. Consistent routines and a sense of comfort are so crucial at this stage, and if that gets disrupted – even by something like changing homes or parenting schedules – it can create long-lasting issues with their sense of safety.

And then there's the guilt that comes with it. As a parent, you feel guilty for introducing this new chaotic reality into their world. I've heard so many parents struggle with this, like my friend Emma, who said, "I feel like I’m damaging them every time I see them cry when they leave me."

The Constant Tug of War

One thing to note: children in this age group don’t have the capacity to understand why you’re getting divorced. It’s not like older kids who can at least wrap their heads around adult decisions, right? You might find yourself getting emotionally exhausted just trying to keep up with the demands of parenting, while still managing your own grief. It’s overwhelming.

School-Aged Children: Innocence Meets Heartbreak

Ah, the school years. This is when kids are starting to get a bit more independent, but their world is still centered around their home and family. At this stage, children begin to realize that something’s not right. I know, you’re thinking, “But they’re just learning how to read, how much can they understand?”

The truth? A lot. Kids start picking up on changes in behavior. Suddenly, there’s no "family dinner time," and they may notice one parent is missing for longer periods. Kids in this stage are more likely to internalize what's going on, feeling guilty as though the divorce is their fault. They might even start acting out or withdrawing.

My cousin’s daughter, Sara, went through this when she was eight. She said, “If I hadn’t lost my favorite jacket, would you and dad still be together?” Can you imagine that? Trying to explain to a child who equates personal mistakes with family breakdown is just heartbreaking. You don’t even know how to explain things in a way they’ll understand.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

This age group can be emotionally unpredictable. They have a greater understanding of what’s happening, but they don't have the emotional tools to handle it. They might cry out of nowhere, express anger, or act in ways that seem strange for their age. On the other hand, they could try to play the “peacekeeper” role – trying to get you and your ex to stay civil for their sake. The emotional tug-of-war you experience as a parent during this time can feel relentless.

The Teenage Years: The Struggle for Independence Amid Emotional Chaos

Now, this one’s tricky. Teenagers are already in that awkward phase where everything feels like a battle for their independence. But throw divorce into the mix, and it can completely upend their already turbulent world. Teens often experience the deepest pain of all because, at this stage, they can fully comprehend the implications of divorce. They might have a much harder time adjusting to their parents not being together, especially if they feel like they’re being "forced" into two homes.

You see, at this point in their development, teens are beginning to explore relationships of their own. Their ability to process emotions is more developed, but so are their defenses. They might rebel, shut down, or lash out. My buddy Alex went through this with his son a few years ago. His son, Daniel, became distant and refused to talk about the divorce, sometimes even taking it out on his dad.

The Deep Emotional Impact of Divorce

Teens might start to question their own ability to maintain relationships or mirror the negative experiences they see at home. This is a stage when they can feel intensely isolated, as they believe no one else can understand their feelings. So, while they might seem like they’re handling things on the surface, inside, they could be drowning in confusion and anger. Divorce during this phase can plant the seeds of long-term emotional struggles.

Post-Divorce Parenting: The Lingering Effects

No matter what age your child is, the emotional aftermath of divorce doesn’t just disappear. Even once the initial shock settles, there are often lingering effects. Kids might act out, become withdrawn, or show other signs of distress, especially if they’re dealing with constant tension or battling between two households. The emotional scars of divorce can last for years, impacting their self-esteem, relationships, and overall worldview.

While it’s incredibly difficult to watch your kids struggle, remember that this emotional phase is a part of their development. With time, open communication, and stability, they can heal. It’s never easy to see your children go through pain, but sometimes, giving them the space to process that pain is necessary for their growth.

A Personal Reflection

I have to admit, as much as I want to say there’s a "right" age for divorce, the truth is, there isn't. Each age group presents its own challenges, and you might be caught off-guard by how deeply it affects your children, no matter how old they are. It’s not just about how old they are – it’s about where they are emotionally, and what kind of support they have during this monumental change. One thing’s for sure: parenting through divorce is an emotional rollercoaster, no matter when it happens. But, like everything in life, it’s a ride we just have to get through – together.

The key takeaway? Don’t be afraid to seek support, whether it’s professional help, family, or friends. No one expects you to navigate this alone.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.