What Not to Say to Trauma Survivors: Avoid These Harmful Phrases
Why Words Matter More Than You Think
When someone opens up about trauma, it’s not just a casual chat. It’s raw. It's vulnerable. The last thing they need is a well-meaning comment that lands like a punch to the gut. Sometimes, people say things that are meant to comfort—but instead they do the opposite. (Been there, heard that.)
Saying the wrong thing, even with the best of intentions, can silence someone forever. Or worse, retraumatize them.
The Worst Offenders: Phrases to Absolutely Avoid
“It could’ve been worse.”
Oof. This one is meant to offer perspective, but it usually just minimizes the person's pain. Imagine someone says they were assaulted and the response is, “Well, at least you’re alive.” That’s not helpful. It’s invalidating.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
Look, maybe it does. But that’s your belief, not necessarily theirs. When you say this, you're asking someone to find purpose in their suffering before they're even ready to process it. Let people get to their own meaning—if ever.
“You should move on.”
Honestly? This one stings. Healing isn't linear. There’s no timer on trauma. Some folks may carry their pain for years (or forever). Telling someone to "move on" assumes they’re doing it wrong, when really—they’re just doing their best.
The Science Behind Harmful Responses
Trauma affects the brain—specifically the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. It heightens threat perception, skews memory processing, and affects logical decision-making. So when someone opens up, they’re not just relaying info. They’re reliving pieces of the trauma, often in a fight-or-flight state.
What your words trigger
Phrases like "calm down" or "stop overreacting" may activate shame or fear pathways. Instead of safety, the person feels judged or cornered. The result? They shut down.
Better Alternatives: What To Say Instead
“That sounds incredibly hard. I’m here.”
Simple. Validating. Human. You’re not trying to fix anything. You’re just staying present.
“I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but I believe you.”
This builds trust. Survivors are often terrified of not being believed—especially in cases like sexual assault or childhood abuse. Hearing those words can feel like a breath of fresh air.
“Take your time.”
Maybe this sounds basic, but it’s powerful. It removes pressure. It gives space. And yeah, silence can be a good thing too.
Personal Anecdote: A Friend’s Misstep (and Recovery)
I remember this one time my friend Carla was talking to a mutual friend who’d just lost her brother to suicide. Carla blurted out, “At least he’s in a better place now.” The room went ice cold.
After a few moments, she realized the mistake and said, “I’m sorry, that was thoughtless. I just didn’t know what to say.” And surprisingly, that helped. Owning the blunder and showing humility restored some trust.
Common Misconceptions About Trauma
“Talking about it helps, right?”
Yes and no. Some people find talking helpful. Others feel exposed or unsafe doing so. Don’t assume. Let them lead.
“They should just go to therapy.”
Therapy is amazing—but it’s not a magical fix-all. Plus, access isn’t always easy. Cost, stigma, and past negative experiences can all be huge barriers.
In Conclusion: Choose Compassion Over Comfort
When someone shares their trauma, it’s not your job to solve it. It's your job to show up—clumsily, imperfectly, but with care.
You’ll probably mess up sometimes. That’s human. Just be willing to listen, learn, and do better next time. Because in the end, your words can either shut the door... or hold it gently open.
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The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.
Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?
How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).
How tall is a average 15 year old?
Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years
| Male Teens: 13 - 20 Years) | ||
|---|---|---|
| 14 Years | 112.0 lb. (50.8 kg) | 64.5" (163.8 cm) |
| 15 Years | 123.5 lb. (56.02 kg) | 67.0" (170.1 cm) |
| 16 Years | 134.0 lb. (60.78 kg) | 68.3" (173.4 cm) |
| 17 Years | 142.0 lb. (64.41 kg) | 69.0" (175.2 cm) |
How to get taller at 18?
Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.
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Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).
Can you grow between 16 and 18?
Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.
Can you grow 1 cm after 17?
Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.