What Not to Say to Victims of Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is a silent killer—it erodes self-worth, creates confusion, and leaves deep scars. When someone confides in you about experiencing emotional abuse, it’s vital to respond with compassion and understanding. Unfortunately, some well-intentioned comments can be incredibly damaging. In this article, we’ll explore what not to say to victims of emotional abuse, and offer better alternatives for providing support.

1. "Why don't you just leave?"

The Pressure to Escape

One of the most common yet harmful things people say to victims of emotional abuse is, "Why don't you just leave?" I get it—when you’re on the outside looking in, it seems so simple. But trust me, it's never that easy. The victim is often trapped by fear, financial dependence, or emotional manipulation. There’s no single path to freedom, and this statement only increases their feelings of guilt and helplessness.

I’ve had conversations with friends who were in abusive relationships, and the last thing they needed was to be told to leave. They were already struggling with the decision and felt isolated, even more so when others didn’t understand the complexities of their situation.

Better Alternative: “I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Instead of offering a quick fix, let the person know that you’ll support them through their process. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply be present and listen.

2. "You should be stronger."

The Blame Game

Telling a victim of emotional abuse that they should be stronger is a form of victim-blaming. Emotional abuse can break someone down to the point where they don't even recognize themselves anymore. Suggesting that they need to "be stronger" not only invalidates their experience, but it also places unnecessary blame on them for the abuse they're enduring.

Honestly, I’ve been in situations where I’ve heard this, and it’s been hurtful. It makes you feel like you're doing something wrong by simply struggling through a difficult situation.

Better Alternative: “You don’t deserve to be treated like this.”

Empower the person by reminding them that the abuse is not their fault. Their pain and vulnerability are valid. Encouragement to recognize their self-worth can make a huge difference in their healing journey.

3. "It could be worse."

Dismissing Their Pain

Comparing their experience to someone else’s or downplaying their suffering with, "It could be worse," is deeply insensitive. Everyone’s experience with emotional abuse is different, and invalidating someone's trauma by minimizing it only reinforces feelings of shame and invisibility.

I remember hearing this phrase once when a close friend opened up about being emotionally manipulated by a partner. The comment "It could be worse" only silenced them more. They didn’t need comparison—they needed empathy.

Better Alternative: “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It must be really hard.”

By acknowledging the pain and showing that you are there with them, you offer a safe space for the person to express their emotions.

4. "Maybe you're just overreacting."

Invalidating Their Feelings

When you tell someone they’re overreacting to emotional abuse, it minimizes their feelings and doubts their experiences. Gaslighting, a tactic commonly used in emotional abuse, already makes the victim question their reality. Adding comments like this only fuels the confusion, leaving the victim unsure of whether what they're experiencing is real.

I’ve spoken to people who have been told this, and it really does hurt. If you're already questioning your own reality, hearing someone else echo that doubt can be devastating.

Better Alternative: “It sounds like you’re really struggling. How can I help?”

This response validates their emotions without belittling their experience. It also invites the person to open up and share what they really need from you.

5. "Why don't you just forgive them?"

The Complexity of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a complex process that’s often inaccessible for victims of emotional abuse. Telling someone to forgive their abuser can feel like you're rushing them through a process they aren't ready for. Sometimes, the emotional trauma is so deep that forgiveness isn’t something the person can even think about yet, let alone be expected to offer.

I have a friend who was repeatedly told to "just forgive" her abusive ex-partner. It wasn't helpful. Instead, it created more inner turmoil and pressure. Everyone heals in their own time, and forcing forgiveness prematurely isn’t healthy.

Better Alternative: “Take the time you need. Healing isn’t a race.”

Remind them that they have the right to take the time they need to heal and that forgiveness is a personal choice. Offering patience and compassion will help them feel supported.

6. "Why don't you just talk to them about it?"

The Reality of Communication in Emotional Abuse

In emotionally abusive relationships, talking to the abuser often doesn’t solve the problem. Instead, it might escalate the abuse or be used as a tool for further manipulation. Suggesting that the victim “just talk” to the abuser is unrealistic and could lead to further harm.

I’ve been in situations where a victim was told to confront the abuser, and it ended up making things worse, not better. It’s important to understand the dynamics of emotional abuse and protect the person, rather than push them into potentially dangerous situations.

Better Alternative: “You don’t have to confront them alone. I’m here to support you.”

Offer safety and assistance in helping them navigate their situation, whether it’s seeking professional help or just being a shoulder to lean on.

Conclusion: How to Support Victims of Emotional Abuse

When someone opens up about emotional abuse, it’s crucial to approach the situation with care, empathy, and understanding. Avoid dismissing, blaming, or minimizing their experience. Instead, listen, validate their feelings, and let them know they have your full support.

Honestly, the best thing you can do is create a space where the person feels safe and heard. Emotional abuse is complex, and healing can take time, but knowing they aren’t alone makes a world of difference.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.