Why Was I Not Affectionate as a Child? Unraveling the Roots

The Struggle with Affection: A Personal Reflection

Well, this is a question that I’ve asked myself more times than I’d like to admit: why was I not affectionate as a child? I remember always feeling distant from my parents and siblings, not really understanding what affection should feel like. It’s a bit strange to admit now, but it’s something that I’ve struggled to unpack for years. Honestly, it wasn't that I didn't love them, but rather that the ways in which I showed love were so different from the warmth and physical affection that others seemed to display so naturally. If you've ever wondered about the same thing, you're not alone.

Childhood Environment: Nature vs. Nurture

You’ve probably heard the phrase "nature vs. nurture" tossed around when it comes to explaining behavior. Well, I’ve come to realize that both play a role in how we express affection—or, in my case, how we might not express it. From a very young age, I was raised in an environment where physical affection wasn't prioritized. My family wasn’t cold, but hugs were rare and “I love you” was not a phrase that came easily. This probably had more to do with how my parents were raised than anything else, but it shaped me nonetheless.

Family Dynamics: The Unspoken Rules

Growing up, I noticed that my family wasn't really into physical touch. It was always about words, actions, or practical things, rather than hugs or kisses. Looking back now, I think it wasn’t that my parents didn’t love me or that they were emotionally unavailable. No, it was more like they didn’t know how to show affection in the way that others might. It was just… not part of how we operated. And, without realizing it, I picked up on that, and that became my own norm.

The Impact of Attachment Theory

So, what about the psychological side of things? Well, that’s where attachment theory comes in. According to attachment theory, how we bond with our caregivers as babies has a significant influence on our ability to form close relationships later in life. If your early attachment experiences were inconsistent or emotionally distant, it could lead to difficulties with expressing affection later on.

Anxious or Avoidant Attachment? A Personal Struggle

As I’ve learned through reading and self-reflection, I probably developed what’s called an avoidant attachment style. People with this style tend to distance themselves from others when it comes to emotions and affection. Funny enough, I never thought about it this way until a recent conversation with a close friend of mine. She was explaining how she feels so uncomfortable when people get too close, and it clicked—this was me. Growing up, I never felt like I could depend on affection for emotional security, so I developed a coping mechanism to avoid it altogether. Kind of sad, right?

Social Expectations: Was It Just Me?

Here’s the thing: I’ve come to realize that I wasn’t alone in feeling this way. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one who struggles with physical affection, but the reality is that a lot of people have similar experiences. Society often pushes the idea that affection must look a certain way—big hugs, public displays of affection, and constant reminders of love. But for some of us, affection is quieter, subtler, or just different.

The Pressure to Be Affectionate

In my teens, I started to feel the pressure. Everyone around me seemed so affectionate—friends hugging, parents openly expressing their love. And then there was me, feeling like I was failing at this "affection thing." Honestly, I remember feeling embarrassed when I didn’t know how to react when someone tried to hug me or say something sweet. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. But now, I see that these pressures didn’t help at all. They just made me feel more distant.

The Journey of Self-Acceptance

Actually, over the years, I’ve started to work on this. It’s not easy to unlearn something that’s been ingrained in you since childhood, but I’m trying. I’ve learned that affection doesn’t have to be a one-size-fits-all experience. It can be expressed in different ways, whether it’s through words, acts of kindness, or simply spending time together. That said, I still struggle with it from time to time, but I’ve made peace with the fact that my expression of love may just look a little different from others.

Trying to Build New Habits

One thing that’s helped is just being aware of how I interact with others. I try to take small steps to show affection in a way that feels authentic to me, like offering a simple compliment, giving a high five, or even just sitting closer to someone during a conversation. It’s not easy, but I’m slowly growing more comfortable with these small gestures. Honestly, it’s been freeing to realize that I don’t have to meet a specific standard of affection to show that I care.

Conclusion: It’s Okay to Be Different

So, if you’ve ever wondered why you weren’t affectionate as a child, it might be because of a complex mix of factors: your upbringing, your attachment style, and the societal pressures around you. But the most important thing to remember is this: It’s okay to be different. Your way of expressing love doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. The key is to understand your own journey and embrace it—whether it’s showing affection in small ways or in big gestures. You’ve got this.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.