How Does Your Inner Child Get Damaged? Understanding the Impact

What Is the "Inner Child" and Why Does It Matter?

You’ve probably heard of the term inner child. It’s the part of you that holds onto the emotional experiences and memories from childhood—both the good and the bad. But how does your inner child get damaged? And why is it so important to address?

The inner child is essentially the emotional blueprint of who we are. It’s formed during the early years of life, and when it's nurtured, it can result in a healthy, resilient adult. However, when the inner child experiences trauma, neglect, or emotional pain, it can lead to issues that carry into adulthood.

I remember having a conversation with a friend recently, who, like many of us, didn’t realize how deeply their childhood experiences shaped who they are today. It was a bit of a wake-up call for both of us as we started connecting the dots between past wounds and present struggles.

How Trauma and Neglect Damage the Inner Child

1. Emotional Neglect and Its Lasting Effects

Emotional neglect is one of the most common ways the inner child gets hurt. It’s not about physical abuse, but rather, the absence of emotional support and validation. When a child’s feelings are dismissed, ignored, or belittled, it creates a deep emotional wound.

In my own life, I remember feeling dismissed as a kid whenever I expressed any vulnerability. That feeling of being unheard and invisible stayed with me for years, and I didn’t even realize how much it affected my relationships and self-esteem as an adult. This kind of emotional neglect is like an invisible scar—it stays with you until you consciously address it.

2. Physical Abuse and the Repercussions on Mental Health

Physical abuse, whether it’s hitting, shoving, or any other form of violence, causes direct damage to a child’s sense of safety and self-worth. The fear and powerlessness felt in these moments can have lasting consequences on how the person views themselves and others.

I’ve seen this in people close to me who experienced physical abuse as children. Their inner child, left with the belief that they are unworthy of care and respect, often grows up to face anxiety, depression, or difficulties in trusting others. It’s heartbreaking to witness, but understanding how trauma like this impacts the inner child can help in the healing process.

The Role of Criticism and Perfectionism

1. Constant Criticism and the Inner Child’s Development

Another major way the inner child gets damaged is through constant criticism. When a child is constantly told they aren’t good enough, or that their efforts are always insufficient, it creates a belief that they are unworthy or inadequate.

I was speaking with a colleague not too long ago, and they shared how their parents were very critical of their every move. That constant pressure to be “perfect” left deep scars on their inner child. They constantly struggle with imposter syndrome now, feeling like they’re never truly enough, no matter what they achieve. It’s sad because it stems from something that happened so long ago but still holds so much power.

2. Perfectionism and the Struggle to Please

Perfectionism can be a direct result of criticism. The inner child, constantly trying to please parents, teachers, or other authority figures, may develop a pattern of seeking approval in unhealthy ways.

I’ve been guilty of this myself. As a child, I sought validation from everyone, especially authority figures. Now, I notice how this pattern follows me into adulthood—constantly second-guessing my decisions or overthinking everything just to avoid any kind of criticism. This is damage to the inner child that I’m still working through.

How to Heal and Nurture the Inner Child

1. Acknowledging and Validating Your Inner Child

The first step to healing is acknowledging that your inner child exists and that it has been hurt. Self-validation is key. You have to give yourself the compassion and love that may have been missing in childhood. This could mean comforting yourself when you feel sad, allowing yourself to make mistakes, or taking time to nurture your emotions.

A few years ago, I started practicing something called inner child work. It sounds simple, but sitting quietly and talking to myself as if I were a child has helped me unlock a lot of buried emotions. I realized how much my inner child just needed to be heard and loved.

2. Setting Healthy Boundaries

One of the most healing things you can do for your inner child is to set boundaries with others. Growing up in an environment where you may have been forced to comply with everyone’s needs without considering your own can leave you vulnerable in adulthood.

A friend recently shared how she struggled with saying “no” to people because, as a child, she was constantly taught that her needs didn’t matter. Slowly, she’s been learning how to set boundaries in her personal relationships. This act of self-care is vital for healing the inner child, as it helps rebuild self-worth and respect.

The Road to Healing: A Lifelong Journey

1. Therapy and Healing Modalities

Sometimes, healing the inner child requires professional help. Therapy, especially inner child therapy, can be incredibly helpful. Speaking to a therapist who understands childhood trauma can open doors to healing that you may not have been able to unlock on your own.

I’ve had a few therapy sessions myself, where I worked on acknowledging my inner child and the pain that was buried deep. It was hard at first, but now I see how much it’s helped me deal with my fears and anxieties in a healthier way.

2. Building a Loving Relationship with Yourself

At the end of the day, healing the inner child is about building a loving relationship with yourself. You are your best advocate, and sometimes, showing that kindness to your inner child is the only way to truly move forward. Remember, it’s okay to give yourself grace. You’re allowed to heal.

In conclusion, the damage to the inner child often stems from neglect, criticism, and abuse, but it doesn’t have to define who you are. With awareness, self-compassion, and the right tools, you can heal your inner child and move towards a more balanced, fulfilled life. Take it slow, be patient with yourself, and know that the path to healing is one worth walking.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.