Is Personality Permanent or Changeable? The Truth Hurts (and Heals)

The Big Question: Are You Really Who You Think You Are?

Honestly, this question haunted me for years. I used to believe that personality was like eye color—you’re just born with it, end of story. I’d say things like, “I’m just not a people person,” or “I’m naturally anxious,” like it was written in stone or something.

Then I had a conversation with my old college roommate, Jordan. We hadn’t talked in a while, and after five minutes on Zoom, he was like, “Dude, you’re so different now. I remember you were the most cynical person I knew.” That hit hard.

So… did I change? Or was that version of me never the full story?

What Science Says About Personality (Spoiler: It’s Complicated)

The “Big Five” and how stable they really are

Psychologists usually break personality down into five big traits:

• Openness

• Conscientiousness

• Extraversion

• Agreeableness

• Neuroticism (ugh, that word always sounds like an insult)

For a long time, researchers believed these traits were mostly stable throughout life. And to be fair, there's truth in that. You probably won’t go from ultra-introvert to life-of-the-party overnight.

But—and here’s the twist—long-term studies have shown that personality traits can change, especially in your 20s and 30s. Even in your 50s, btw. And it’s not always slow. Life slaps you in the face sometimes and bam—you shift.

Personality isn’t fixed—it’s flexible

There’s a growing body of research suggesting that personality is more like clay than concrete. It has shape, yes, but it can be molded by habits, trauma, therapy, relationships, jobs… even one really intense conversation (yep, been there).

One study I read said that intentionally working on changing a trait—like being more assertive—can actually lead to real, measurable shifts in that trait over time.

That’s wild. And kind of freeing.

Can You Actually Change Your Own Personality?

Short answer: Yes. But it’s messy.

Okay, I’m gonna be real with you. I wanted to become more emotionally stable. I used to react to everything—tiny criticism? Cue meltdown. I didn’t want to be that version of myself anymore.

So I started journaling. Then therapy. Then some very painful confrontations with myself. It wasn’t linear. Some days I’d fall right back into old patterns. But with time? I did change. Not into a different person, but into a more honest version of myself.

Intentional change vs. accidental change

Sometimes life forces you to change. You lose someone. You get fired. You hit rock bottom.

Other times, you choose it. You decide: I want to be kinder. I want to trust people more. I want to stop apologizing for everything.

And that’s where the magic happens—when you stop waiting for life to mold you and start shaping it yourself.

But Wait... Should You Even Try to Change?

Identity vs. authenticity

Here’s the tricky part. There’s a fine line between growth and self-rejection. Like, are you trying to be better because you genuinely want to grow? Or because you hate who you are?

I’ve definitely confused the two. Tried to be “chill” because I thought people liked that more. But it wasn’t me. I’m passionate. I care deeply. I overthink. And honestly? That’s not something I want to erase anymore.

So yeah—change, evolve, expand. But don’t abandon your core just to fit in someone else’s comfort zone.

Final Thoughts: You’re not stuck. You’re in progress.

If you’re reading this wondering, “Can I actually become more confident? Less reactive? More open?”—my answer is: Yes. Absolutely. But be patient. And be kind.

You’re not broken. You’re becoming.
And no, your personality isn’t permanent.

But it’s not supposed to be.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.