Why Are People Attracted to Borderline Personality? Understanding the Complex Draw

The Fascination with Borderline Personality Traits

Honestly, it's a topic that intrigues many—why are people often drawn to those with borderline personality traits? It’s not something that’s easy to understand at first glance, but the emotional intensity and unpredictability of relationships with individuals who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) can create an almost magnetic pull. But is this attraction healthy, or is it part of a deeper emotional need? Let’s explore why people can find themselves so attracted to those with borderline traits, even if it sometimes comes with challenges.

I’ve talked to friends who’ve been in relationships with people who have BPD, and it’s clear that these relationships tend to be intense and full of emotional highs and lows. But what is it about BPD that makes such individuals so captivating?

Emotional Intensity: A Double-Edged Sword

Well, let’s start with the emotional intensity. People with BPD often experience emotions more intensely than others. Their mood swings can be dramatic, making interactions feel unpredictable and even electrifying. In a way, this emotional turbulence can create a sense of excitement and engagement for someone who thrives on emotional highs.

The Roller Coaster of Emotions

I remember a conversation I had with my friend Emma, who once dated someone with borderline traits. She told me that the relationship was "wild"—one moment everything would feel perfect, the next, there would be an explosive argument. Despite the chaos, Emma couldn’t help but feel attached to the emotional roller coaster. She later admitted that part of her was addicted to those emotional highs, even though they were exhausting in the long run.

Honestly, there’s something about this emotional intensity that some people find fascinating. It’s like the thrill of not knowing what comes next. The unpredictability can feel like an emotional adventure, even though it can take a toll on one’s mental health.

The Need to Rescue or Fix: The Savior Complex

Another reason people might be attracted to those with borderline personality traits is the desire to "rescue" or "fix" them. This is especially true for those who have a nurturing or empathetic nature. Individuals with BPD often struggle with feelings of abandonment and fear of rejection. This vulnerability can make them seem like they need saving, and that can ignite a strong urge in others to try and help.

The Desire to Be Needed

Honestly, I’ve seen this happen with friends who’ve gotten involved with someone who has BPD. One friend, Alex, told me he felt like he had to "save" his partner from their own inner struggles. At first, he thought he could be the one to help them feel secure and calm, but over time, the emotional labor became overwhelming. The desire to be the "rescuer" can cloud judgment and keep people in relationships that aren’t necessarily healthy for them.

It’s fascinating (and a little frustrating) to see how the need to be needed can keep people in these turbulent relationships. Some individuals may find themselves trapped in cycles where they feel they’re doing all the emotional work, but it doesn’t always lead to the happiness or stability they expect.

Idealization and Devaluation: The Push-Pull Dynamic

One of the hallmark symptoms of borderline personality disorder is the tendency to idealize people one moment and devalue them the next. This push-pull dynamic is another reason why people can feel so attracted to individuals with BPD, even though it can be emotionally exhausting.

The Allure of Idealization

Actually, this cycle of idealization and devaluation can be intoxicating. One moment, the person with BPD might treat you like you’re the most important person in the world. You’re "perfect" in their eyes, and this makes you feel incredibly valued and loved. However, when the devaluation phase hits, they can turn cold and critical, leading to feelings of rejection.

I remember talking with a friend, Sarah, who described her relationship with someone who had BPD as "addicting." She said that the extreme highs—when her partner idealized her—were so fulfilling that she would overlook the low points. It was as if the emotional highs made the lows bearable, or at least worth enduring.

The emotional intensity of this dynamic makes it hard to break free, and that’s where the attraction becomes problematic for some people. They crave the highs and are willing to tolerate the lows in search of that fleeting perfection.

The Desire for Intimacy: A False Sense of Connection

Another reason people might be attracted to individuals with borderline personality traits is the illusion of deep intimacy. The intensity of connection can feel profound, as people with BPD often seek deep, meaningful relationships. They can be incredibly engaging, passionate, and emotionally available when they feel secure.

Intimacy Without Stability

I had a conversation with a colleague who shared that her relationship with a partner with borderline traits felt like an intense connection. She described it as "raw" and "real," but she later realized that the intensity wasn’t the same as stability. The emotional closeness she felt was often overshadowed by the unpredictability and drama that came with it.

This desire for intimacy, mixed with the constant emotional upheavals, can create an illusion of closeness. People in these relationships might feel deeply connected, even though the foundation is shaky.

Conclusion: The Complexity of Attraction to Borderline Traits

So, why are people attracted to borderline personality traits? Well, it’s a combination of factors—emotional intensity, the desire to help, the pull of idealization, and the illusion of intimacy. These dynamics can be intoxicating and compelling, making it hard for individuals to walk away, even when they know the relationship is unhealthy.

Honestly, the attraction is complex. It’s easy to get caught up in the emotional highs and the need to be needed. But over time, this attraction can lead to frustration and emotional exhaustion. If you’re in such a relationship, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate whether the connection is truly healthy and fulfilling. Don’t ignore the signs of imbalance.

At the end of the day, understanding why you're attracted to these traits can help you make better choices, both for yourself and your relationships.

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How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

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Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

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Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

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Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

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Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.