Can I Change My Personality at 35? Absolutely—But It’s Messy

What Do We Even Mean by “Personality”?

Personality isn't just whether you’re chatty at parties or prefer books over brunch. Psychologists define it as a mix of consistent patterns—your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Things like being conscientious, introverted, emotionally stable (or not), open to experiences... you get the idea.

But here's the kicker: for decades, science said personality is mostly set by your early twenties. Like, “This is who you are now, deal with it.” Turns out, that’s not quite the full story.

What Science Says About Changing After 30

The old belief: fixed after youth

Back in the day, researchers like Costa and McCrae claimed the “Big Five” traits (Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism) stay fairly stable after your 20s. And to be fair, they do... unless life smacks you with something big.

The new take: change is possible—if tricky

Recent studies (like those from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) suggest people can and do change, even into their 40s, 50s, and beyond. But not overnight. And not by wishing really hard.

Example? A longitudinal study of over 60,000 adults showed that people who wanted to change a trait—say, be less anxious—actually did over a year just by setting intentions and reflecting regularly. Wild, right?

Real Talk: Why Would You Even Want to Change?

Okay, pause. Before diving into the how, let’s talk why. Because changing your personality isn’t about becoming someone else—it’s usually about becoming more of the person you wish you were.

Maybe you’re tired of freaking out before every meeting. Or sick of ghosting friends because your avoidant tendencies are wrecking your social life. Or maybe, like me, you hit 35, stared at your ceiling, and thought, “Is this it? Am I just the anxious, distracted guy forever?”

Spoiler: you’re not. But the “upgrade” isn’t automatic.

How Can You Actually Shift Who You Are?

Start with self-awareness (yep, the cliché is true)

You gotta know what you’re changing. Journaling helps. Therapy? Even better. Honest convos with people who know you? Gold.

For me, it was realizing I wasn’t “just tired”—I was chronically overwhelmed because I couldn’t say no to anyone. Classic agreeableness overdrive. That moment hit during a late-night Uber ride home from yet another favor I didn’t want to do.

Change the habits, not the labels

You don’t wake up one day and think, “I’m now confident!” You act confident in small ways. You prep for that call. You speak up once per meeting. You ask the barista their name. Slowly, behavior reinforces belief.

And yeah, sometimes you slip back. You ghost. You avoid. You overthink. That’s part of it too.

Environment matters more than willpower

You can’t become a calm, focused person if your life is pure chaos. If your job burns you out and your phone is pinging every 12 seconds, good luck rewiring your nervous system.

Want to be more present? Take the damn notifications off. Want to be more open? Try stuff that scares you. New hobbies. Cold plunges. Salsa dancing at that weird studio down the block (true story, 10/10 recommend).

But Wait—Should You Actually Try to Change?

Weird question, right? But it matters.

Sometimes we chase change because we think we’re broken. Or not “enough” as we are. But your quieter self? Your overthinking brain? That stuff also has value. It’s protected you. Helped you survive. No need to chuck it all in the trash.

Growth isn’t about erasing your past. It’s about adding new layers to who you already are.

Final Thought (Which I May Change My Mind About Later)

So—can you change your personality at 35? Totally. But not by downloading a “new you” like an app update. It’s messy. Sometimes slow. Sometimes two steps forward, one step back.

But if you’re willing to do the uncomfortable stuff—face your patterns, sit with your mess, build tiny habits, and surround yourself with people who see you—then yeah... you can absolutely change.

And hey, maybe 35 is actually the perfect time to start.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.