Is Quiet BPD Better? Unraveling the Hidden Struggles and Strengths

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is often misunderstood, especially the “quiet” form. You may have heard about it but never really understood what makes quiet BPD different. Well, let’s dive into this mysterious and often overlooked version of BPD. You might be wondering—does it make life easier, or is it just a silent storm brewing beneath the surface?

What is Quiet BPD? The Invisible Struggle

BPD is characterized by intense emotional experiences, impulsivity, and unstable relationships. However, in quiet BPD, the symptoms are internalized rather than outwardly expressed. This version can be even more difficult to recognize because those suffering often don’t show their distress in the same way as the stereotypical BPD portrayal.

The Inner Chaos

In quiet BPD, individuals might withdraw into themselves, suppressing their emotions rather than expressing them outwardly. It often feels like you're drowning in your own feelings but don’t have an outlet. It’s exhausting. You’re not acting out or lashing out at others. Instead, you’re at war with your own mind, and that internalized pain is, in a way, just as brutal.

I remember talking to a friend of mine, Sarah, who has quiet BPD. She told me, “It’s like I’m always trying to hide the tornado inside me, but it’s still there, wreaking havoc.” I could feel the frustration in her voice. She didn’t want to be seen as ‘crazy’ or difficult, so she stayed silent. But the silence? It was killing her.

Is Quiet BPD Better Than the ‘Classic’ Type?

Ah, the big question. Is quiet BPD actually better than the more obvious type of BPD? The short answer? Not really. But it’s complicated.

The ‘Quiet’ Advantage

One thing about quiet BPD is that it may avoid the externalized chaos—no dramatic outbursts, no fights with others. In some ways, this can seem like a relief. You’re less likely to alienate friends or partners with visible outbursts. But—here’s the catch—it doesn’t mean life is easier. In fact, the emotional isolation and self-blame can be even more suffocating.

In Sarah’s case, she said, “I’ve never thrown a tantrum, but I’ve hurt myself in ways no one will ever see. Sometimes, I wonder if it would be easier if I could just scream and let it all out.”

The Hidden Cost

Sure, it might seem like quiet BPD could save you from those public scenes, but it comes at a heavy price. Without those external expressions of pain, the inner suffering is rarely acknowledged, and it can lead to feelings of loneliness and confusion. You might not be causing chaos in your relationships, but the chaos is still happening inside of you.

Quiet BPD and Relationships: A Silent Strain

When you’re dealing with quiet BPD, relationships can become tricky. You’re not saying what you need, or worse, you don’t even know what you need. That confusion can cause problems. You’re trying to manage your emotions while also trying to connect with others, but it’s tough when you don’t have the words.

The Fear of Abandonment

One of the key traits of BPD is the fear of abandonment, but in quiet BPD, this often manifests as silent withdrawal. It’s not that you don’t want to be close to people—it’s just that the fear of being hurt or rejected makes you pull back. In turn, this can create distance in your relationships, leaving you feeling even more isolated.

A colleague of mine, Tom, once said, “It’s like you’re caught between wanting someone close, but the second they get too close, you push them away—without even realizing it.” It’s heartbreaking to feel both connected and disconnected at the same time.

How to Cope in Relationships

If you have quiet BPD or care about someone who does, communication is key. It’s crucial to recognize that silence isn’t always a sign of disinterest. If anything, it’s often a plea for understanding, even if it’s not voiced. Encourage open conversations, and remember that emotional support may be needed more than you think.

Coping with Quiet BPD: Tips for Inner Peace

Managing quiet BPD isn’t about pretending everything is fine—it’s about finding healthy ways to deal with the storm inside. Here are a few tips that might help:

1. Practice Self-Compassion

It’s so easy to beat yourself up for not being “normal” or “together” all the time. But, trust me, that only worsens the inner turmoil. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. Progress, not perfection.

2. Reach Out, Even When It’s Hard

I know, it feels impossible to talk sometimes. You want to keep your thoughts to yourself and avoid burdening others. But opening up—slowly, when you're ready—can be incredibly freeing. Sometimes, it’s enough just to have someone listen, even if they don’t have all the answers.

3. Find Healthy Outlets

Find ways to release the bottled-up feelings. For some, journaling works wonders. Others find comfort in art or exercise. It doesn’t have to be perfect or profound—just let those feelings flow, however they can.

Final Thoughts: The Struggles and Strengths of Quiet BPD

In the end, quiet BPD is not easier—it’s just quieter. It’s an invisible storm, with waves of self-doubt and pain crashing inside. But just because it’s silent doesn’t mean it’s any less real or damaging. If you, or someone you love, is living with quiet BPD, it’s essential to acknowledge both the hidden struggles and the unique strengths that come with it.

You are not alone. Even when it feels like no one sees the battle you’re fighting, your strength is undeniable. And while quiet BPD may seem like it offers fewer outward challenges, the internal struggle is just as powerful—so don’t dismiss it. If anything, embrace it, work through it, and remember that healing is possible.

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How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

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Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

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Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

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Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

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Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.