Can You Have BPD and Be Nice? Unpacking the Complexities of Borderline Personality Disorder

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Well, if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Can you have BPD and be nice?”, you’re not alone. The stigma surrounding BPD is huge, and honestly, it can feel like the disorder completely defines a person in the eyes of others. People with BPD often face harsh judgments — that they’re volatile, unpredictable, or even unkind. But is that really the whole story? Honestly, it’s way more complicated than that.

I’ve had conversations with friends, even some professionals, where BPD was almost painted as this “ugly” trait that you can’t escape. But let me tell you, it doesn’t have to be like that. It’s a bit of a rollercoaster, sure, but people with BPD can absolutely be kind, loving, and gentle. You can have both: the intensity of emotions and the capability for kindness.

BPD and Emotional Intensity: A Double-Edged Sword

The Struggles of Emotional Regulation

Okay, let’s break it down. People with BPD often experience intense emotions, and honestly, that can be both a gift and a curse. On one hand, it means you feel deeply about everything — the highs are incredible, but the lows are crushing. And when you're in that emotional turmoil, it can sometimes come across as unkind or even cold to others, even if that’s the last thing you want to do.

I’ve had moments where I felt so overwhelmed by my emotions that I snapped at people I cared about. I’d feel bad immediately, but the feelings would have a life of their own. The trick, though, is learning how to manage those emotions. And with therapy and support, trust me, it gets better. The emotional intensity doesn’t go away, but you learn to channel it in ways that don’t hurt others.

But Here’s the Twist: Kindness Can Be a Strength

Honestly, I believe this emotional depth can lead to an even greater capacity for kindness. When you care so deeply, you’re often more attuned to the needs of others. That’s a huge part of what BPD is about — the need for connection and understanding. So, yes, people with BPD can absolutely be incredibly nice, especially when they’ve learned how to manage their emotions. Their kindness comes from a place of empathy and emotional awareness.

The Impact of Stigma and Misunderstanding

How Society Perceives People with BPD

Here’s the thing — society doesn’t make it easy. The stigma around BPD often leads to misunderstanding. People with BPD are sometimes viewed through the lens of their most extreme moments — the times when emotions take over, and they might say or do things they regret. This can give the impression that someone with BPD is inherently "mean" or unpredictable.

But here’s a twist I’ve learned over time: people with BPD are often their own worst critics. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve overthought a simple interaction, convinced I came across as rude or unkind, when really, it was just my intense feelings getting in the way.

Being Nice, Despite the Struggles

Let me share a little personal story: there was a time when I thought my emotional sensitivity meant I could never truly be “nice” — that I was too volatile to build meaningful relationships. But over time, I learned that being nice, showing kindness, and building those connections is not only possible but can be incredibly rewarding for someone with BPD. It’s all about finding a balance, being patient with yourself, and taking steps to manage those intense emotional reactions.

Can You Be Nice and Have Boundaries?

The Role of Boundaries in Maintaining Kindness

Now, something that’s often overlooked is the role of boundaries. For someone with BPD, maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial — not just for your own well-being but for your relationships as well. Sometimes, a person with BPD might appear distant or not as engaged, but that’s often because they’re trying to manage their emotional intensity.

Setting clear boundaries is a form of self-care, and it’s also a way to show kindness to others. The more you learn to protect your emotional energy, the more you can show up as a genuinely kind person, without feeling drained or overwhelmed.

Kindness Isn’t Always About Saying Yes

Honestly, this is something I had to come to terms with — being nice doesn’t always mean being available or saying “yes” to everything. It means being authentic and respecting both your own needs and the needs of others. Learning to say “no” at times is a form of kindness to both yourself and to the other person. It took me a while to understand that, but once I did, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

Conclusion: Yes, You Can Have BPD and Be Nice

In the end, the answer to whether you can have BPD and still be nice is a resounding “yes.” People with BPD have the capacity for deep kindness and empathy, but it requires learning to navigate intense emotions, breaking through stigma, and understanding the importance of boundaries.

It’s not always easy — I won’t lie. There are tough moments, and there will be setbacks. But if you approach it with patience, therapy, and self-compassion, you’ll find that kindness and emotional regulation aren’t mutually exclusive.

So, to anyone reading this with BPD or who knows someone with BPD: you’re not alone. You are capable of great kindness, and even on the tough days, that doesn’t define you. Keep going, keep learning, and most importantly, be kind to yourself.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.