What Hurts a Borderline? Understanding the Deep Emotional Struggles

The Intensity of Rejection: A Pain Like No Other

Well, let me start by saying this: if you’ve ever been close to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), you probably know that rejection can hit harder than anything else. Honestly, it’s one of the most painful things for someone with BPD. It’s not just about feeling rejected—it’s like being ripped apart emotionally. You see, individuals with BPD often have an intense fear of abandonment. And when that fear becomes reality, it can lead to deep emotional wounds.

I remember talking to my friend Sarah—she’s been diagnosed with BPD for years—and she described rejection as a physical pain. Imagine having your heart shattered over something seemingly small, and that’s what it can feel like. This fear can lead to drastic actions, sometimes even pushing others away before they can be hurt.

Fear of Abandonment: A Constant Struggle

To dive deeper, let’s talk about this fear of abandonment. It’s not just about someone leaving; it’s about the belief that you, as a person, aren’t worth staying for. For people with BPD, relationships can feel like a constant rollercoaster, where even the slightest hint of distance or silence from a loved one triggers an overwhelming panic. This is where the emotional instability comes in—emotions can change quickly from love and affection to intense anger or sadness, all in response to a perceived threat of abandonment.

When Sarah opened up to me about this, I didn’t really get it at first. It seemed so extreme. But over time, I learned that these feelings aren’t about logic—they’re about survival. It's a protective mechanism that’s gone haywire. The idea of being abandoned feels like being left in the cold, alone, without anyone to turn to. That’s real, raw pain.

The Impact of Emotional Dysregulation: A Constant Up-and-Down

Honestly, emotional dysregulation is something that many people with BPD struggle with daily. One minute, you could be on top of the world—feeling loved, valued, and in control—and the next, you’re overwhelmed by feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and deep sadness. I’ve seen it firsthand with my friend Tom, who lives with BPD. It’s like his emotions are on a constant loop of highs and lows, and it’s exhausting for him.

This emotional instability isn’t just about mood swings; it’s about how these emotions are often disproportionate to the situation. So, if something minor happens—like a misunderstanding or a small argument—it can feel like the world is crashing down. It’s not that the person wants to feel this way. In fact, it’s the opposite. They just don’t have the tools to regulate their emotions as easily as others might. This makes relationships, work, and daily life incredibly difficult to navigate.

The Rollercoaster of Emotions: How Small Things Trigger Big Reactions

A few months ago, Tom was having a rough day at work, and someone he barely knew made a comment about his performance. To most people, this wouldn’t even be a big deal. But for Tom, it was like the end of the world. His emotional response was so intense, and it lingered for days. It was hard for him to shake off the feeling that he was failing in every aspect of his life. That’s the nature of emotional dysregulation—it can turn small issues into overwhelming obstacles.

The Fear of Intimacy: What Happens When You Want Closer Connections

You know, this might sound a little counterintuitive, but sometimes, people with BPD fear intimacy. Sounds strange, right? But hear me out. On the one hand, they crave deep connections and want to be loved and understood. On the other hand, they fear that opening up too much will lead to rejection or abandonment, which makes them push people away. It’s a tricky balance—too much closeness can feel suffocating, and too little can feel like loneliness.

I remember having a conversation with my friend Rachel, who’s been in a relationship with someone with BPD for a while. She told me that her partner often pushed her away when things got too close or when they had a moment of vulnerability. It’s not that they didn’t want intimacy, it’s just that the fear of being hurt was so overpowering.

Self-Sabotage: A Form of Protection

There’s this pattern that can emerge—where someone with BPD might sabotage relationships before the other person can. It’s like a defense mechanism. They’re afraid that if they let themselves be vulnerable, the person will eventually leave. So, they act out in ways that drive people away, even though deep down, they want to be loved. This self-sabotage, while it may seem irrational to others, is rooted in the fear of rejection and the need to protect themselves from emotional pain.

The Hurt of Being Misunderstood: Struggling to Be Seen

This one’s tough. People with BPD often feel misunderstood, like their emotions are dismissed or invalidated. It’s a frustration that builds over time. I’ve seen it with friends and loved ones—they feel like their pain isn’t taken seriously, and they’re just "overreacting" in the eyes of others.

Sometimes, it’s like they’re trapped in a cycle of explaining their feelings, but they can’t seem to break through and get the understanding they crave. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people with BPD say, “Why can’t you just understand me? Why does no one get how much this hurts?”

The Strain of Constant Validation Seeking

It’s not that someone with BPD needs constant praise or attention, but the validation becomes crucial. Without it, they may feel like they’re fading into the background. They’re not looking for reassurance because they don’t trust themselves, but because they’re trying to hold onto something stable in their emotional storm. The issue? This need for validation can often push people away, creating a cycle that’s hard to break.

Conclusion: The Silent Struggles of a Borderline

Well, I hope this article has shed some light on just how painful it can be for someone with BPD. The emotions they go through are often intense, confusing, and isolating. If you’re close to someone with BPD, try to be patient and understanding. They’re not “too sensitive” or “overreacting.” They’re struggling with real emotional turmoil that can be hard for anyone to understand unless they’ve been there.

If you’re someone living with BPD, know that you’re not alone. Reach out, get support, and take things one step at a time. It may feel overwhelming at times, but with the right help, things can get better. You are worthy of love and understanding, no matter how much it may seem like the world is telling you otherwise.

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The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.