Which Attachment Style is Considered the Unhealthiest and How Does It Impact Relationships?

What is the Unhealthiest Attachment Style? Understanding the Impact on Relationships

What is Attachment Theory?

Well, to start, attachment theory is one of those concepts that can truly change how you view your relationships. It’s the psychological framework that explains how we form emotional bonds and how those bonds impact our behavior in relationships. Honestly, I wish I had understood this better when I was younger. I probably wouldn’t have made some of the mistakes I did in past relationships.

There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. The healthiest is secure, of course, where you feel comfortable with intimacy but can also maintain independence. But what about the others? Which one is the unhealthiest? Well, let's dive in.

The Anxious Attachment Style: An Emotional Roller Coaster

The anxious attachment style is often seen as the most emotionally exhausting. If you have this style, you might constantly feel uncertain about your relationship. You may often seek validation, have fears of abandonment, and sometimes even behave in ways that push people away, even though you're desperate for closeness.

Why is Anxious Attachment So Unhealthy?

I’ll be honest here—having an anxious attachment style can feel like living in constant emotional turbulence. A friend of mine, let’s call her Emily, has struggled with this for years. She’s always second-guessing whether her partner loves her or not, and no matter how many reassurances she gets, it’s never enough. This creates unnecessary stress, not just for her, but for her partner too. It becomes a vicious cycle where they both feel exhausted.

One of the most damaging aspects of anxious attachment is how it leads to relationship insecurity. When you constantly feel like you're not getting the love or attention you need, it can lead to overthinking, jealousy, and even controlling behaviors. These are definitely not healthy for either person in the relationship.

The Avoidant Attachment Style: Emotional Withdrawal

The avoidant attachment style is often seen as the opposite of anxious attachment. People with this style tend to withdraw from emotional closeness and intimacy. It’s not that they don’t care about their partner, but they often feel uncomfortable with too much closeness, which leads them to shut down or distance themselves.

The Problems with Avoidant Attachment

Honestly, I’ve seen this firsthand with people I know, and it’s tough. A colleague, Mark, always pushes away his partners when they start getting "too close." The deeper the emotional connection, the more he retreats. It's like a defense mechanism he developed over time, likely from childhood, when he learned not to rely on others. But the problem is, this emotional withdrawal ends up leaving the other person feeling rejected and neglected.

Avoidant individuals often struggle with communicating their feelings, and this lack of vulnerability can make it hard for them to maintain healthy, long-term relationships. While it might seem like a better option than anxious attachment (at least you're not constantly fearing abandonment), it comes with its own set of unhealthy patterns—namely, emotional distance.

The Disorganized Attachment Style: The Most Chaotic

Well, if we’re talking about the unhealthiest attachment style, I have to say that disorganized attachment probably takes the cake. People with this style experience a mix of both anxious and avoidant behaviors. It’s a confusing and erratic attachment pattern where a person may seek closeness but then push others away, often without even realizing it.

Why is Disorganized Attachment So Destructive?

Honestly, the disorganized attachment style is the most unsettling. I’ve seen friends go through this, and it’s heartbreaking. They want connection and intimacy but also fear it. It’s like being stuck in a loop where you're drawn to others but terrified of being hurt or abandoned. This often leads to erratic behaviors and unpredictable emotional responses.

A close friend of mine, Sarah, had a partner with a disorganized attachment style. One minute he would be all in, showering her with love, and the next, he would retreat emotionally, creating confusion and insecurity. This back-and-forth created constant tension and drama in their relationship, leaving Sarah feeling emotionally exhausted and unsure of where she stood.

This attachment style often stems from childhood trauma or inconsistent caregiving, where a child learns to both seek and fear closeness. Unfortunately, these patterns are hard to break, and they can lead to highly unstable and unhealthy relationships in adulthood.

Is There Hope for People with Unhealthy Attachment Styles?

Honestly, yes, there’s hope. Understanding your attachment style is the first step to healing. Once you recognize the patterns, it’s possible to work on them, either alone or with the help of therapy. I’ve seen firsthand how therapy can help someone shift from an anxious attachment style to a more secure one with the right tools and mindset. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely possible.

Working on Yourself

If you identify with any of these attachment styles, I would say don’t get discouraged. Change is slow, but it starts with self-awareness. Journaling your feelings, practicing mindfulness, and seeking out support from others can help you move towards a healthier attachment style.

Conclusion: What is the Unhealthiest Attachment Style?

In conclusion, the unhealthiest attachment style really depends on your perspective. But from what I’ve seen and experienced, the disorganized attachment style is often the most chaotic and difficult to overcome. Anxious and avoidant styles can also be incredibly damaging, but they are often more straightforward in terms of addressing their root causes. No matter what attachment style you have, there’s always room for growth and improvement.

What about you? Do you think you can identify your attachment style? Have you ever tried working on it?

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.