Do Narcissists Ever Get Attached? Exploring the Complexity of Narcissism

When you think about narcissists, the first thing that probably comes to mind is someone who’s self-absorbed, egotistical, and possibly even emotionally distant. But do narcissists ever get attached? Can they truly form emotional connections or is their inability to form deep bonds just part of their nature? Honestly, this is something I’ve wondered about for a while, and after researching and reflecting on some personal experiences, I think we can explore this topic in more depth.

What Does "Attachment" Mean for Narcissists?

Before diving into whether narcissists get attached, let’s first understand what attachment really means. In psychology, attachment is the emotional bond that we form with others, often developed in childhood with caregivers, but it continues to affect how we form relationships throughout our lives.

For narcissists, attachment can be tricky. Narcissism is often a defense mechanism developed in response to early childhood trauma or insecurity. So, while narcissists might appear to form relationships, these connections may not be rooted in true emotional attachment the way we typically understand it.

Are Narcissists Capable of Attachment?

The short answer? Yes, but it’s complicated. Narcissists can become attached, but their attachment is often conditional, based on their needs for admiration, control, and validation. In my experience, dealing with a narcissistic person (not an easy task, trust me), I’ve noticed that their “attachment” tends to be more about maintaining control over the situation than truly connecting emotionally.

The Different Types of Narcissism

Okay, so not all narcissists are the same, and their ability to form attachment varies depending on the type of narcissism they exhibit. Let’s break it down a little.

Grandiose Narcissists

These are the classic narcissists you hear about: they’re outwardly confident, love attention, and often believe they’re better than others. They can form relationships, but typically, their attachment is superficial. They attach to people who admire them, but only as long as those people serve their ego. When the admiration fades, so does the relationship.

Vulnerable Narcissists

On the other hand, vulnerable narcissists often feel insecure and fragile. They might appear shy or withdrawn, but their narcissism still revolves around the need for validation. Their attachment can be more dependent and anxious, and they may cling to people who give them reassurance. However, this attachment can often feel unhealthy, as it relies heavily on the emotional support of others to manage their fragility.

Narcissists and Emotional Dependency

Now, here’s where things get a bit tricky. Do narcissists rely on emotional attachment? Well, in some cases, yes, but they also see relationships through a lens that serves their own needs. It’s not about the other person’s emotional well-being; it’s about how that person makes them feel. They may cling to people who give them a sense of superiority or status, but if those people stop providing that, narcissists tend to withdraw emotionally.

The Fear of Vulnerability

Honestly, I once had a conversation with a friend about how narcissists tend to avoid true emotional intimacy. It was eye-opening for me to realize how scared some narcissists are of feeling vulnerable. Attachment requires vulnerability, and that’s the one thing a narcissist tends to avoid at all costs. They don’t want to feel weak or exposed, which makes true emotional attachment much harder for them.

Can They Love?

Well, narcissists might say they love someone, but whether it’s true love is another story. Their love can sometimes be conditional, attached to their own needs and self-image. When they do form an attachment, it’s usually because the other person feeds their sense of self-worth, rather than a deep emotional connection. And that’s a major difference. Real love involves selflessness, care, and empathy—qualities that many narcissists struggle with.

How Narcissists Behave in Relationships

Okay, so you’re probably wondering, “If they can get attached, how do narcissists behave in relationships?” Let me tell you, it can get messy. I’ve witnessed a few narcissistic relationships, and while some seem attached, it’s more about control than emotional connection.

Idealization and Devaluation

In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists may idealize their partner, treating them like they’re the most amazing person on Earth. This is often called the "honeymoon phase". But over time, if their partner doesn’t meet their high expectations or starts showing signs of independence, narcissists may devalue them, shifting from admiration to criticism.

Love Bombing and Emotional Manipulation

Another common tactic in narcissistic relationships is love bombing—overwhelming someone with affection and praise to gain control. When a narcissist feels they’re losing grip, they might use this tactic to reel you back in. It can be incredibly confusing for the partner, making them feel like the narcissist cares when in reality, they’re just trying to maintain control over the situation.

Can Narcissists Change?

This is a question I’ve often thought about, especially after seeing several narcissistic behaviors up close. Can they ever learn to form healthy attachments? Honestly, change is possible, but it requires intense self-awareness and a willingness to address deep-seated emotional issues. Narcissists may never form the deep emotional bonds that others do, but they can learn to recognize and manage their behavior.

The Role of Therapy

Therapy can help narcissists address their emotional challenges and reduce harmful patterns. However, it requires them to acknowledge their narcissism and seek help, which can be a significant hurdle. In my own experience, I’ve seen how therapy has helped some individuals make small, but important, progress in how they relate to others.

Conclusion: Narcissists and Attachment—A Complicated Relationship

So, do narcissists ever get attached? Yes, but their attachment is usually rooted in their need for validation and admiration rather than genuine emotional intimacy. It’s a complicated relationship, and for those who are involved with narcissists, it can feel like an emotional roller coaster.

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, understanding their behavior and attachment style is crucial for navigating the relationship. Keep in mind that while they can form attachments, it might never be the deep, selfless connection you expect from others.

Have you ever had to deal with a narcissist in a relationship? I’d love to hear your thoughts or personal experiences on this!

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How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

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Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

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Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.