Can BPD Cause You to Cheat? The Truth About Impulsivity and Relationships

When Love Feels Like a Rollercoaster

If you or someone you love has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), you know that emotions can shift like a storm out of nowhere. One minute, it’s intense love and passion, the next, doubt, fear, or even anger. Relationships with BPD can be incredibly fulfilling—but also incredibly challenging.

But let’s talk about something uncomfortable: cheating.

Does BPD actually cause infidelity? Or is this just another stereotype attached to the disorder? Let’s break it down honestly.

1. Does BPD Make You More Likely to Cheat?

The Short Answer: It’s Complicated

No, BPD doesn’t directly cause cheating—but it can increase behaviors that make infidelity more likely.

BPD is characterized by:
Fear of abandonment – Constant worry that your partner will leave you.
Emotional instability – Intense mood swings that affect decision-making.
Impulsivity – Engaging in risky behaviors without thinking of the consequences.
Black-and-white thinking – Someone is either perfect or terrible, with no in-between.

So while not everyone with BPD cheats, these traits can create situations where cheating happens—especially in moments of emotional distress.

2. Why Might Someone With BPD Cheat?

1. Fear of Abandonment Leads to Self-Sabotage

Imagine this: You’re deeply in love, but one day, your partner seems a little distant. Maybe they take longer to reply to a text. Maybe they cancel dinner.

Instead of brushing it off, your brain screams: “They’re going to leave me!”

For some, this panic leads to self-sabotage:

• Cheating first to “gain control” over the situation.
• Testing the relationship by doing something risky.
• Seeking comfort elsewhere out of fear of rejection.

A friend once told me she cheated on her boyfriend the night before he went on a trip, convinced he was going to lose interest while away. He never was. But the damage was done.

2. Impulsivity and Emotional Dysregulation

Ever had a moment where your emotions felt bigger than you? That’s daily life with BPD.

People with BPD often experience emotional overwhelm, and sometimes, the urge to escape those feelings leads to impulsive decisions—drugs, reckless spending, or yes, infidelity.

Red flags that impulsivity might lead to cheating:
Drinking too much and making reckless choices.
Flirting or seeking validation in risky ways.
Acting without thinking about long-term consequences.

If you’ve ever woken up full of regret, wondering “Why did I do that?”, you know exactly what I mean.

3. Splitting: From Idealizing to Devaluing a Partner

One of the hardest parts of BPD is splitting—seeing people as either perfect or terrible, with no middle ground.

One day, your partner is the love of your life. The next, they feel like a stranger who doesn’t care about you.

When someone with BPD is in the “devaluation” phase, they might seek out someone new—not necessarily to cheat, but to fill the emotional void. It’s not about a lack of love—it’s about a deep craving for reassurance and connection.

Real talk: Have you ever felt suddenly disconnected from your partner and thought, “They don’t care about me anymore. Maybe I should move on.”? That’s splitting in action.

3. Not Everyone With BPD Cheats—Here’s Why

Let’s be crystal clear: BPD doesn’t equal cheating.

Many people with BPD are deeply loyal and committed in relationships. The key differences come down to:

Self-awareness – Recognizing impulsive urges and learning to control them.
Therapy & coping strategies – DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) teaches emotional regulation to prevent reckless decisions.
A supportive partner – Someone who understands BPD and doesn’t trigger abandonment fears unnecessarily.

Some of the most devoted partners I know have BPD—because once they feel safe, they give their entire heart to a relationship.

4. How to Prevent Cheating in a BPD Relationship

If you have BPD (or love someone who does), there are ways to avoid falling into destructive relationship patterns.

1. Recognize Your Triggers

When do you feel the urge to self-sabotage? After an argument? When you’re feeling rejected? Identifying these patterns is the first step to stopping them.

2. Build Emotional Regulation Skills

DBT therapy is life-changing for managing impulsivity.
Journaling before reacting helps avoid destructive choices.
Breathing exercises & grounding techniques stop emotions from spiraling.

3. Communicate Openly With Your Partner

Instead of acting on fear, say:

• “I feel really insecure right now, and I need reassurance.”
• “I’m afraid you’re losing interest. Can we talk about it?”

4. Remove Temptation

If impulsivity is a struggle, be mindful of risky situations:
Drinking too much alone.
Flirty conversations that might escalate.
Emotional connections that replace your actual relationship.

5. Final Answer: Can BPD Cause You to Cheat?

No—but it can make relationships more intense, emotional, and impulsive.

The truth is, people with BPD deeply crave love and stability—but sometimes, their fears, impulsivity, or emotional dysregulation can create self-sabotaging behaviors.

The good news? With self-awareness, therapy, and a strong support system, a BPD relationship can be just as loving, loyal, and stable as any other.

So if you’ve ever felt like BPD makes you “doomed” in relationships—don’t believe that lie. You’re capable of deep love, real connection, and a healthy partnership. You just need the right tools to make it work.

Have you or someone you know struggled with BPD in relationships? Let’s talk about it in the comments.

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How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

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