Can Avoidants Have Close Friends? The Struggles and Possibilities

What Does It Mean to Be Avoidant?

Let’s get into the nitty-gritty of this. If you’re wondering whether avoidants can have close friends, we first need to understand what being avoidant really means. People with avoidant tendencies, often linked to avoidant personality disorder (AVPD), struggle with deep emotional connections and tend to keep a distance from others. It’s almost like an instinct—when things start to feel too intimate, their defense mechanisms kick in.

For example, take my friend Emma (who doesn’t have AVPD but often exhibits avoidant traits). She’s the type who avoids heavy emotional conversations. Every time we dive into deeper discussions, she shifts the subject, and while I used to get frustrated, I now realize it’s her comfort zone. For her, real closeness feels like a threat. But can avoidants really have deep friendships despite these struggles? Let’s dive in.

The Main Challenge: Fear of Rejection and Closeness

Avoidants and the Fear of Being Hurt

It’s no secret that the core of avoidant behavior is the overwhelming fear of rejection. Avoidants often feel that the closer they get to someone, the more they risk getting hurt—emotionally, or worse, abandoned. This fear can sometimes make it seem impossible to form truly close relationships.

Ever notice how an avoidant friend might suddenly pull away after a deep conversation? They could be thinking, "Whoa, this feels too intense. I need to back up." While this might come off as cold or distant, it’s often a coping mechanism—one they don’t even know they’re doing.

I had this situation with my friend Sarah last year. We had a heart-to-heart after she was going through a breakup. Things were really raw. I poured out my support, but within 24 hours, she stopped replying to my texts. I was confused and hurt, but later, she opened up about feeling overwhelmed by the closeness we had just shared. It was eye-opening.

Avoidant's Emotional Distance

Avoidants might also struggle to communicate their emotions clearly. They’ll keep their distance physically and emotionally, which makes it harder to connect. You may try to reach out, but they’ll hold back, leaving you frustrated, thinking, “Why does it always feel like I’m chasing them?”

It’s tough, right? You think you're being a good friend, but their walls are high. It’s not because they don’t care—it’s because, in their minds, vulnerability equals danger.

Can Avoidants Overcome These Barriers?

It's Possible—But It Takes Work

Here's the thing: while it’s a struggle, avoidants can form close friendships—but it’s never easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. Relationships, especially close ones, require trust and vulnerability. For avoidants, this is something they have to intentionally work through, often with the help of therapy or self-awareness.

In one of my past relationships, my partner had avoidant tendencies, and man, it was a rollercoaster. For months, I wasn’t sure whether we were ever going to get close. There was always this emotional distance between us. But slowly, with a lot of patience and communication, things started shifting. I learned to give him space when needed and not push him too hard. It didn’t happen fast, but over time, we found a rhythm.

Therapy: A Game Changer

Therapy is often a critical component for avoidants who want to develop deeper friendships. It helps them unpack those layers of fear and insecurity that make intimacy feel so impossible. If you’re dealing with an avoidant friend, or you yourself are struggling with avoidant behavior, opening up to a therapist could help break through that emotional distance.

The biggest breakthrough my friend Emma had was after a few months of therapy. She came to realize how much her avoidance was keeping her from experiencing real connections. Over time, she began trying to open up a bit more—not always perfectly, but noticeably. You could see it.

The Role of Boundaries in Avoidant Friendships

Can They Be Close Without Being Overwhelmed?

One thing avoidants need in any relationship—platonic or romantic—is clear boundaries. These boundaries act as a safety net, allowing them to engage emotionally without feeling like they’re being smothered. For someone with avoidant traits, it’s not about the number of interactions but the quality and the space between those interactions.

In my own experience, I’ve found that giving my avoidant friends breathing room (like not bombarding them with texts or deep talks) actually helps build trust. So, if you’re friends with someone who’s avoidant, try not to take it personally if they don’t always pick up the phone. Their need for space doesn’t mean they don’t care—it’s just part of their wiring.

Are Close Friendships Possible for Avoidants?

Yes, they are—but the key word here is “work.” As with any relationship, the bond needs effort. You have to be understanding and patient, especially when they pull away or shut down. It takes time to learn to navigate those moments without feeling rejected. It’s like planting seeds—sometimes, you don’t see growth immediately, but that doesn’t mean it's not happening.

Real Stories from Avoidant Friendships

I’ve been friends with someone who’s really avoidant for years now, and while it’s been challenging, I wouldn’t trade our friendship for anything. There are moments when we’re so in sync, and then others when it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. But here’s the thing: when he does open up, it’s real. It’s raw. And those moments, while infrequent, are worth all the awkward silences and missed calls.

And you know, it’s funny because just the other day, we had a long chat about what makes friendships work. I brought up how it’s been hard for me to feel close at times, and he admitted that it’s hard for him to let people in. The fact that we could even have that conversation was a big deal—so there’s hope!

Conclusion: It’s Possible, But It Takes Time

So, can avoidants have close friends? Yes, absolutely, but it's a long road. It takes patience, trust, and a lot of understanding. If you’re willing to put in the effort and respect their space, you can absolutely form deep, meaningful friendships with avoidants. But remember, these relationships may look different from what you’re used to. They won’t always be smooth, but they can be just as fulfilling in their own way.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.