How Do Avoidants Treat Friends? Understanding Their Unique Behavior

What Does Avoidant Attachment Mean?

Before diving into how avoidants treat their friends, let's talk about what it means to have an avoidant attachment style. Avoidant attachment comes from childhood experiences where emotional needs may not have been met, leading individuals to develop a self-sufficient, distant way of interacting with others. People with avoidant attachment often push others away, fearing closeness and vulnerability.

Now, this doesn’t mean they don’t care—far from it. But it can make relationships complicated. I had a friend in college who was definitely avoidant. They were incredibly independent, almost to a fault, and it took me a while to understand that it wasn’t about me, but about their difficulty with emotional closeness.

How Do Avoidants Treat Friends? The Silent Struggle

Avoidants have a particular way of handling friendships, often unintentionally hurting the people around them. If you’re friends with someone who has avoidant tendencies, you might notice some of the following behaviors.

Emotional Distance

One of the most notable ways avoidants treat their friends is by maintaining a certain emotional distance. It’s not that they don’t like you or value the friendship; it’s just that they don’t know how to connect emotionally on a deeper level. For instance, they might avoid sharing personal details or expressing their feelings openly. Conversations with them can feel shallow at times, even though you might have a great time hanging out.

I remember feeling frustrated with my friend who had avoidant tendencies because I would pour my heart out, and they’d give me nothing in return. It wasn’t until later that I realized their avoidance wasn’t personal—it was just their way of managing emotional vulnerability.

Mixed Signals: Hot and Cold Behavior

Have you ever felt like your avoidant friend is giving you the cold shoulder one minute, then being super warm the next? This "hot and cold" behavior is another common trait among avoidants. They may pull back when you get too close or when they sense emotional demand, only to come back when things feel safer or less emotionally intense.

This was something that took me a long time to grasp. One day they’d cancel plans without any explanation, and the next, they’d act like nothing happened, inviting me to hang out again. It was confusing, to say the least. But, after some self-reflection and research, I understood that this push-pull dynamic is a coping mechanism to deal with their fears of getting too close.

The Avoidant Friend’s Inner Struggles

Avoidants don’t just treat their friends a certain way because they want to—they’re often struggling with their own issues around attachment. They’ve learned that vulnerability leads to disappointment, and their automatic response is to protect themselves by keeping others at arm’s length.

The Fear of Rejection

One of the core fears of someone with avoidant attachment is the fear of rejection or being engulfed by others. They might act distant to avoid the possibility of emotional disappointment. If they get too close, they worry they’ll lose their independence or end up feeling suffocated.

I had a conversation with a friend recently who explained how difficult it was for them to open up to people, even though they wanted to. They felt like they’d be judged or let down. It was a lightbulb moment for me, realizing that this pattern wasn’t about me—it was their fear in play.

The Need for Independence

Avoidants tend to place a high value on their independence. They don’t want to be “needy” or reliant on others, which can make them hesitant to lean on friends when they’re struggling. While this can be admirable in some situations, it can also leave their friends feeling neglected or unimportant.

This reminds me of a situation where a close friend of mine was going through a tough time, but refused to reach out for help. They insisted on dealing with everything alone, and while I respected their independence, I couldn’t help but feel hurt that they didn’t want to let me in.

What Can You Do If You Have an Avoidant Friend?

If you have an avoidant friend and you’re struggling with their behavior, there are ways to navigate the relationship. It’s not about changing them; it’s about understanding their needs and communicating effectively.

Set Healthy Boundaries

One thing that can help is setting boundaries. If you're feeling overwhelmed by their emotional distance, it’s important to express that, but in a way that doesn’t push them away. Avoidants may not be great at verbalizing their emotions, but they still appreciate clarity and respect.

In my case, I had to find a balance between giving my friend space and gently encouraging them to open up. It wasn’t easy, and there were moments of frustration, but in the long run, it helped build more trust.

Be Patient and Understanding

Patience is key. Avoidants aren’t trying to hurt you by keeping their distance. It’s just how they’ve learned to protect themselves. The more understanding and less demanding you can be, the more likely they’ll come around. But remember, this takes time.

A colleague of mine once told me that patience had been the cornerstone of their friendship with an avoidant person. They didn’t push them for deep conversations, but instead, they allowed the relationship to evolve at its own pace, and eventually, their friend started opening up more.

Don’t Take It Personally

This is the toughest part. If an avoidant friend distances themselves, don’t take it personally. It’s not about you—they have their own inner battles. Recognizing this is the first step in preserving your mental well-being while maintaining the friendship.

Conclusion: Navigating Relationships with Avoidant Friends

So, how do avoidants treat friends? With emotional distance, a tendency for mixed signals, and an internal battle against vulnerability. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be great friends—they just need time, patience, and understanding. If you’re in a friendship with someone who has avoidant tendencies, it’s important to be patient with them and yourself. This journey might not always be easy, but with the right approach, it can lead to meaningful, long-lasting connections.

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The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

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How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

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Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

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Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

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Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

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Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.