Why Do Avoidants Lose Interest? The Hidden Truths Explained

Understanding the Avoidant Personality

Well, if you're reading this, you might be asking yourself why avoidant people seem to lose interest just when things start getting real. Honestly, it's one of those things that can be super confusing if you're not familiar with the psychology behind it.

Avoidants, in relationships, often act distant or detached. But there’s more to it than just "not caring." This kind of behavior typically stems from deeper emotional struggles, often linked to fear of intimacy, past traumas, or even childhood experiences.

Fear of Intimacy

Okay, here’s the thing: Avoidants generally have a deep-rooted fear of being too close to someone. It's not that they don’t want connection, it's just that they struggle with it in ways that might seem completely bizarre to the other person. A conversation I had recently with my friend Sarah really put this into perspective. She was talking about an ex who would seem to pull away every time they were about to get "too close" emotionally.

It turns out, avoidants have often learned to be self-reliant and push away anyone who threatens their sense of autonomy. Intimacy can trigger anxiety, which leads them to back off, even if they have strong feelings.

The Cycle of Attraction and Withdrawal

Honestly, I used to think that this was just a form of emotional unavailability. But after diving deeper into the topic, it became clear: avoidants often engage in a cycle of intense attraction followed by swift withdrawal.

Why Does This Happen?

Here's something I had to wrap my head around—avoidants tend to test the waters of emotional connection, get too close, then panic. It’s like they crave connection, but at the same time, the closeness overwhelms them. It feels like a tug-of-war between wanting closeness and fearing it.

In a past relationship, I noticed that whenever things felt like they were going well, my partner would start getting distant, cancel plans, or give one-word answers. It took me a while to realize that this wasn’t about me—not at all. It was about their internal conflict.

The Push-Pull Dynamic

If you've ever been in a relationship with someone who pulls away, you know how exhausting and confusing it can be. For an avoidant, this cycle is almost like an unconscious defense mechanism. They don't even realize they’re doing it. They push you away to protect themselves from feeling too vulnerable, and in doing so, they end up sabotaging the connection.

Emotional Overwhelm and Avoidance

Actually, there's another piece to this puzzle: the sheer emotional overwhelm. Avoidants aren't necessarily heartless. It’s just that emotions can feel suffocating for them. And, well, it’s not always easy to deal with emotions that seem too intense or complex.

How Emotional Overload Triggers Withdrawal

In my experience, when someone with an avoidant attachment style feels like they’re losing control over their emotions or becoming too dependent on someone else, they shut down. That’s when they retreat—either physically or emotionally. In some cases, they might even go silent or seem indifferent.

A friend of mine once dated an avoidant who would completely shut down after arguments, giving her the cold shoulder for days. She didn't understand why, but over time, she realized it was his way of coping with emotional overload. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, but he just didn’t know how to handle the emotional intensity.

Fear of Rejection and Low Self-Esteem

Okay, here's where things get really interesting (and frustrating). Another reason avoidants might lose interest is because of their underlying fear of rejection. This fear isn’t just about the other person; it’s about their own sense of worth.

The Root of Their Insecurity

Avoidants often struggle with low self-esteem and deep-seated fears of inadequacy. So, when things get serious, they might worry that they’re not good enough or that the other person will eventually leave them. Instead of facing that anxiety head-on, they push people away to protect themselves from getting hurt.

I’ve noticed that avoidants, despite their outwardly calm demeanor, can be extremely sensitive to rejection. One slip-up or miscommunication, and they may decide it’s easier to bail than to risk the pain of being left.

The Irony of Avoidant Behavior

Frustrating, right? Here’s the kicker—this behavior is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. They push people away because they’re scared of being hurt, but by doing so, they guarantee that they will end up alone. They’ve created this cycle where their fears dictate their actions, and in the end, they lose the very connection they longed for in the first place.

Conclusion: Navigating Relationships with Avoidants

So, if you're in a relationship with an avoidant or thinking about one, here's the truth: their behavior isn’t about you—it’s about their internal struggles. While this can be tough to deal with, understanding why they behave the way they do might make it a little easier to navigate.

Avoidants often lose interest because of their fear of intimacy, emotional overwhelm, and the underlying fear of rejection. It’s a complex mix of psychological factors that lead them to push people away even when they don’t want to.

Honestly, it’s frustrating when you don’t know why they’re acting this way. But if you can understand their fears and offer a safe, non-pressuring space for them, you might find that they can slowly open up. Or not. It's up to them, really.

Just remember—be patient, but don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Relationships are a two-way street, and if you’re constantly being pulled into this push-pull dynamic, it might be time to reassess if it's worth it.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.