What happens when two avoidants meet?

Ah, the classic scenario: two avoidants, stuck in the same room, both terrified of emotional intimacy. If you've ever wondered what happens when two avoidant people start a relationship—or even just become close—well, you're in for a bit of a rollercoaster. It’s like two introverts meeting at a party and deciding to hide in the kitchen. But, emotionally speaking. Let me break it down for you.

The First Encounter: Playing It Cool (or Not)

When two avoidant individuals meet, the first thing that happens is... they keep their distance. Both will probably keep the conversation light, maybe even a little guarded. There’s this mutual understanding of “let's not get too close,” but also a bit of "I want to connect, but not too much."

Imagine it: you're sitting across from someone, both of you smiling but secretly wondering, “Is this too much? Am I giving off the wrong vibe?” Both avoidants will likely stay in the "safe zone"—minimal sharing, maximum coolness. It’s kind of like two people at a coffee shop pretending they’re not interested in their surroundings while actually scanning for any signs of intimacy.

But don’t be fooled. Just because no one’s rushing in doesn’t mean there’s not a huge emotional current underneath. It's just that... no one is brave enough to dive in.

The Push and Pull of Connection

Let’s say these two avoidants actually get closer—maybe they've been chatting for a while, or they’ve crossed paths a few times. What starts to happen? This is where the real fun begins. There’s a push-and-pull dynamic that emerges. One person might start getting slightly closer, sharing just a tiny bit more. Maybe they’ll drop a hint about their feelings, their past, or an insecurity. But—here’s the thing—if the other person feels that tiny bit of closeness, they might pull back.

And guess what? It’s a cycle. One person leans in, and the other flinches. The other person may not even realize why they’re pulling away—it’s just instinct. It's that fear of being vulnerable or opening up too much. So, the one who tried to get closer feels a little... well, rejected. It can leave both parties wondering: Wait, I thought we were on the same page?

At the end of the day, both avoidants want the same thing—connection—but neither is really willing to meet the other halfway. It’s like two ships passing in the night. If one boat tries to dock, the other sails off into the sunset.

That Unspoken Dance: The Fear of Dependence

You know how people say "you’re just afraid of getting hurt"? Well, with avoidants, it’s often more like "I’m terrified of relying on someone." This fear of emotional dependence is a huge part of avoidant attachment. If both people are avoidant, the fear intensifies because neither of them wants to lean on the other—or be leaned on.

Take, for example, a couple of friends I know (I’m being vague, obviously, because, well... privacy). They’ve known each other for years but still don’t really “open up” to each other. Both have avoidant tendencies, and each one keeps the other at arm’s length. If one friend tries to show emotion, the other either dismisses it or goes quiet, avoiding the conversation altogether. It's like an emotional deadlock. Neither person wants to be the one to "need" the other. It’s complicated and draining.

So, imagine this same scenario in a romantic setting. It's tough. There’s love, yes, but there’s this undercurrent of dread—"What if I need this person? What if they depend on me?" It can make the relationship feel like it’s never fully formed. It’s all surface-level—nice, but not deep.

The Cycle of Withdrawal

At some point, one or both avoidants may start feeling suffocated, even though neither has done anything to "suffocate" the other. The avoidance, in this case, isn't necessarily about a lack of attraction—it’s about self-preservation. Both people have lived most of their lives avoiding emotional closeness, so any sign of intimacy, even the tiniest bit, can feel overwhelming.

This leads to... you guessed it—withdrawal. One person might start to "ghost" the other, retreating from texts or avoiding phone calls. The other person notices and gets anxious, but instead of addressing the anxiety, they’ll often pull back too. The result? A classic cycle of avoidance that never really gives either person a chance to truly connect.

It’s like a loop. One person pulls away, the other retreats, and neither knows how to break the pattern.

Can Two Avoidants Make It Work?

So, is it possible for two avoidants to have a successful relationship? Well, yes—but it requires some serious self-awareness and communication skills. Both people would need to actively work on their fears and push themselves out of their comfort zones. They’d have to take the risk of being vulnerable and try to meet each other halfway, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Honestly, it’s a tough road. It requires patience, open conversations about fears and attachment styles, and, well, the willingness to feel uncomfortable. If two avoidants really want to make it work, they need to realize that vulnerability isn’t a weakness—it’s an opportunity to build trust.

In conclusion, when two avoidants meet, it’s like watching two people tiptoe around each other’s emotions, afraid to take the first step. But, with time, awareness, and effort, it’s possible for them to turn that hesitation into a strong, healthy bond. The key? Understanding their attachment styles and pushing themselves to take that leap of faith—together.

So, tell me, have you ever been in a relationship where both parties were avoidant? What happened?

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How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

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Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

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Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

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Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.