Do Avoidants Love Deeply? Unpacking the Hidden Truth

What Is an Avoidant Attachment Style?

Let’s start here, because honestly, I used to get this all wrong. I thought being avoidant meant you just didn’t care. Like, cold, indifferent, emotionally dead. But no — avoidant attachment is a whole messy thing rooted in early experiences of emotional disconnection or even just being taught that vulnerability = danger.

People with avoidant attachment struggle with closeness. They might crave love on a deep, deep level, but intimacy feels threatening. So what do they do? They build walls. Distance. Independence. They become masters of self-reliance. (Trust me, I dated someone like this. We'll get to that.)

But... does this mean they don’t love deeply?

Let’s not jump the gun just yet.

Can Avoidants Actually Fall in Love?

Yes. But It Looks Different.

So here’s the deal: avoidants can absolutely fall in love — but they might not show it the way you expect. You might never hear them say “I miss you” or “I need you” (even if they feel it). Vulnerability doesn’t come naturally. It feels like weakness. And so their love might be hidden under layers of logic, defensiveness, or even silence.

I once dated a guy — let’s call him Sam — who never said “I love you” unless I said it first. But then one day, he drove five hours just to bring me soup when I had the flu. Didn’t say a word about it being a “gesture” or anything. Just showed up. Left it at the door. That’s when I realized: avoidants can love deeply... they just don’t always let it show.

The Push-Pull Dynamic

One thing avoidants often do when they feel love is... well... back away. I know, it sounds ridiculous. But when emotions get intense, it activates their fears of engulfment, of losing themselves. So they withdraw to feel “safe” again. It’s confusing and painful, especially if you’re someone who needs closeness to feel loved.

I’ve had moments where I thought, “Does he even care?” and then days later, he’d send a long text about how he couldn’t stop thinking about me — after ghosting me for a week. The push-pull is real. And exhausting, to be honest.

Why Avoidants Struggle With Emotional Expression

Fear of Vulnerability

Here’s something my therapist once said that hit me hard: “Avoidants learned early that needing someone meant risking pain.” That fear gets wired in. So even if an avoidant feels love deeply, expressing it feels like giving away power, or control. And that’s terrifying to them.

It’s not that they don’t want connection — they just don’t want to need it. And that internal war makes love feel like a risk rather than a refuge.

Shame and Self-Worth Issues

Another layer? Many avoidants carry quiet shame. They don’t always believe they’re worthy of love, or they assume they’ll mess it up anyway. So keeping distance feels safer. I remember Sam once saying, “You’d be better off with someone more open.” I laughed, but he was dead serious. That stuck with me.

That’s why sometimes avoidants will sabotage good relationships — not because they don’t care, but because deep down, they do... and it scares the hell out of them.

How to Know If an Avoidant Loves You

Subtle But Telling Signs

Okay, so they’re not writing you love poems or whispering sweet nothings every night. But they might:

• Remember tiny details you didn’t think mattered

• Help in practical ways (fixing your car, running errands for you)

• Make space for you in their routine (even if they never say it out loud)

• Open up just a little — trust me, that tiny moment of vulnerability? Huge.

Honestly, when an avoidant lets you in, even just a crack, that is their version of “I love you.” Don’t underestimate it.

But Don’t Romanticize the Distance

This part’s important. Deep love doesn’t mean healthy love. Just because someone can love deeply doesn’t mean the relationship will meet your needs — especially if they can't show up emotionally. I made that mistake. I stayed way too long because I saw potential. But potential isn’t partnership. And love that hides all the time? It hurts.

Can Avoidants Learn to Love in a Healthier Way?

Absolutely. But — and I’m being real here — it takes work. Often therapy. Self-reflection. Willingness to face some uncomfortable truths. Avoidants can change, especially when they want to, and when they feel safe.

I’ve seen it happen. Sam? He ended up doing therapy, slowly started to understand his patterns. We’re not together anymore, but I respect the hell out of him for that. And I saw glimmers of warmth I never thought I’d see. It was like watching winter melt, slowly.

Final Thoughts: Yes, Avoidants Love Deeply — But...

...you may not always feel it. And that’s where it gets tricky. If you’re with an avoidant, you’ll need patience, clear boundaries, and a whole lot of self-care. You cannot force them to open up. But you can decide whether their love — in the way they express it — feels good for you.

Because here’s the hard truth: love isn’t just about depth. It’s also about presence. Consistency. Safety. And if you’re constantly questioning their love, it might be time to stop asking if they love you — and start asking if you feel loved.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.