Are Fearful Avoidants Hot and Cold in Relationships?
Understanding the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
Alright, first things first — what does it mean to be a "fearful avoidant"? This attachment style (also called disorganized attachment) often comes from inconsistent caregiving in childhood. The person learns to crave closeness, but simultaneously fears it. That push-pull dynamic? Yeah, it runs deep.
Fearful avoidants tend to show traits from both anxious and avoidant attachment styles. So they might want intimacy badly, but when it actually shows up — boom, panic. Hence, the hot and cold behavior. One day you're the love of their life, the next they ghost you for three days.
Why They Seem So Hot and Cold
Intimacy triggers both desire and fear
It’s not that they’re playing games (well... not consciously). When things feel too close, the avoidant part kicks in — "Ahh, too much, I’m losing myself!" So they back off. But then the anxious part misses the connection and pulls them right back in. It’s emotional whiplash. For both people.
And sometimes, they don’t even know they’re doing it. One fearful avoidant once told me (true story), “I just feel like I want love, but as soon as someone loves me, it freaks me out. Like, why do they want me?” Pretty raw, huh?
Conflict? Expect sudden withdrawal
In arguments or even mild discomfort, fearful avoidants often shut down or disappear. Not to punish you, but to protect themselves. It looks cold, but underneath, it’s fear. They're not mad — they're overwhelmed. There's just no neat way for them to process stress in relationships.
What It Feels Like to Date a Fearful Avoidant
When it's good, it's amazing
They can be super romantic, deep feelers, even soul-connection-level lovers when they're in it. You’ll feel special, seen, maybe even chosen. They might overshare early on, get very intense very fast (classic anxious move).
And then... it switches
Out of nowhere, they start pulling back. Less texting, fewer I-miss-you’s, more "I'm just busy right now." You think it’s something you did, but nope. They’re overwhelmed by their own emotional waves.
Here’s the kicker: they don’t necessarily want to break up. They just don’t know how to stay present when love gets scary.
Can They Change?
Short answer: yes — but only if they want to and actually do the work. Therapy, self-reflection, learning emotional regulation... it’s a lot. But not impossible.
Fearful avoidants who become aware of their patterns can learn to build healthier relationships. It takes time, and patience — from both sides. But change is real. I’ve seen it.
Should you stay?
That’s the hard question. If you’re getting dragged through highs and lows constantly, it might not be sustainable. You’re not a fixer. You're not their therapist. If they’re not taking steps to understand their behavior, you’ll keep feeling confused, maybe even manipulated (even if that’s not their intention).
Final Thoughts: Are They Hot and Cold? Yep — But There's More to It
So yeah — fearful avoidants are hot and cold. But not because they’re cruel or careless. It’s fear, conflict, past trauma, and emotional overload playing tug-of-war in their nervous system.
If you’re dating someone like this, the best thing you can do is get informed. Understand your own boundaries. Have the hard talks. And if you’re the one with this style — hey, no shame. Start where you are. Just... don’t leave people guessing forever.
Because love is already hard enough without all the mixed signals.
How much height should a boy have to look attractive?
Well, fellas, worry no more, because a new study has revealed 5ft 8in is the ideal height for a man. Dating app Badoo has revealed the most right-swiped heights based on their users aged 18 to 30.
Is 172 cm good for a man?
Yes it is. Average height of male in India is 166.3 cm (i.e. 5 ft 5.5 inches) while for female it is 152.6 cm (i.e. 5 ft) approximately. So, as far as your question is concerned, aforesaid height is above average in both cases.
Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?
The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.
Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?
How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).
How tall is a average 15 year old?
Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years
| Male Teens: 13 - 20 Years) | ||
|---|---|---|
| 14 Years | 112.0 lb. (50.8 kg) | 64.5" (163.8 cm) |
| 15 Years | 123.5 lb. (56.02 kg) | 67.0" (170.1 cm) |
| 16 Years | 134.0 lb. (60.78 kg) | 68.3" (173.4 cm) |
| 17 Years | 142.0 lb. (64.41 kg) | 69.0" (175.2 cm) |
How to get taller at 18?
Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.
Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?
Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).
Can you grow between 16 and 18?
Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.
Can you grow 1 cm after 17?
Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.