Why Am I Drawn to Avoidants? Unraveling the Connection

Honestly, if you're like me, you've probably found yourself in relationships with avoidant individuals more than once, even though you didn't quite expect it. It’s this weird magnetic pull, right? And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t just a coincidence. So why are we drawn to avoidants? Is it something in our psyche, or is it just the allure of the unattainable? Let’s dive into it.

Understanding Avoidants: Who Are They Really?

Before we start figuring out why we’re drawn to them, we need to get a better grasp of what it means to be avoidant. This attachment style, identified in attachment theory, is typically formed in childhood and can influence how we connect in relationships. Avoidants often have difficulty with intimacy and can appear distant or emotionally unavailable.

The Classic Traits of an Avoidant Person

Avoidants usually display a pattern of emotional distance, which might look like:

• Reluctance to open up: They tend to keep their feelings to themselves.

• Fear of dependence: They avoid becoming too reliant on others, including emotionally.

• Preference for independence: They enjoy spending time alone and may not seek constant interaction.

For someone like me, who values connection and emotional closeness, it can be frustrating yet strangely captivating when you're with someone who doesn’t immediately reciprocate the same openness.

Why Am I Drawn to Avoidants?

Now, here’s the million-dollar question: Why do we feel this attraction? You may have asked yourself this at one point—I've certainly asked myself over and over again. There’s something about the emotionally distant person that pulls you in, but it’s hard to explain why. Let’s try to break this down a bit.

The Challenge and the Chase

Okay, honestly, I’ve found myself pursuing avoidants because, well, they’re a challenge. It’s like a game, but with higher stakes. You want to break through their emotional walls and "win" them over. I mean, there’s that rush of trying to figure out how to get them to open up, right? It's like solving a puzzle that gets more complicated the more you try. Maybe this is a bit of a "fixer-upper" mentality, but I can’t be the only one who’s been there.

The Unavailability Factor: A Weird Allure

There's a psychological component to this. Avoidants, by nature, are emotionally unavailable, and I’ve learned (the hard way) that this can make them all the more attractive. When someone isn’t easily available, it triggers a sense of wanting what you can’t have. It's a weird form of attraction, almost like a challenge to your own self-esteem: "Can I get them to care? Can I make them feel what I feel?"

I talked to my friend Sarah about this the other day, and she said something that really hit home: "It’s like we want to be the one to finally get them to open up, to be the exception." I laughed because, well, it’s true. It’s like the ultimate validation.

Is It Healthy to Be Drawn to Avoidants?

Okay, here’s the tricky part: Is this even a healthy attraction? Spoiler alert: probably not. In my experience, being drawn to avoidants can lead to a lot of frustration. They’re not really offering the emotional connection you might crave, and it can leave you feeling drained, questioning your own worth. I know this because I’ve been there.

Emotional Unavailability Can Be Exhausting

One of the toughest things I’ve realized (through a lot of trial and error) is that when you’re with someone who avoids emotional intimacy, you're constantly putting in more effort than they are. You find yourself walking on eggshells, trying to figure out how to get them to let down their guard. Honestly, it’s exhausting. And let’s be real—there’s a limit to how much emotional labor you can do before you start feeling completely drained.

The Danger of Idealizing Them

Another part of this puzzle is the tendency to idealize avoidants. When you’re not getting that constant emotional feedback, it can actually make you want them more. You might start building them up in your mind, imagining that they’re the perfect partner who just needs a little push to reveal their true self. But trust me, this idealization doesn’t always work out well in the long run.

Breaking the Cycle: Can You Stop Being Drawn to Avoidants?

Here’s the tough part: can you break free from this pull? Yes, you absolutely can. But it’s a process, and it takes self-awareness. Once you recognize the patterns in your attraction, you can start to make better choices.

Understand Your Own Attachment Style

Honestly, a big part of my own journey has been understanding my attachment style. Sometimes, people are drawn to avoidants because their own attachment style (perhaps anxious or disorganized) makes them seek out unavailable people. When I realized that, it kind of blew my mind. It made me question why I was attracted to people who made me feel emotionally unfulfilled.

Set Boundaries and Practice Self-Love

The real key to breaking the cycle is setting healthy boundaries and learning to love yourself first. If you recognize that you’re constantly drawn to people who can’t emotionally meet you, it’s time to reassess your relationship needs. Focus on cultivating relationships where both partners are willing to give and receive emotionally, and let go of the chase for the unattainable.

Conclusion: Embrace Healthy Connections

So, why are we drawn to avoidants? It’s a complex mixture of challenge, emotional unavailability, and sometimes even self-esteem issues. But understanding these dynamics is the first step in breaking free from this cycle. In the end, it’s all about recognizing the need for a balanced, emotionally fulfilling relationship—one where both partners can connect and share openly.

Honestly, I think we all deserve that kind of relationship. So, if you’re stuck in the avoidant attraction trap, take a moment to reflect on what you really want from a partner—and don’t settle for less. You’re worth it.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.