Do Selfish People Have Low Self-Esteem? Uncovering the Truth

The Link Between Selfishness and Self-Esteem

Honestly, this is one of those topics that makes you think, right? I mean, we all know a selfish person or two, and let’s be real—sometimes, they just rub us the wrong way. But here's the thing: could their selfishness actually be a sign of something deeper? Do selfish people have low self-esteem? You may be surprised by the answer.

So, let’s break it down. Selfishness can show up in many forms—whether it’s a person constantly prioritizing their own needs over others or someone who never seems to care about anyone but themselves. But, what if all of that is a mask? What if their behavior is actually a defense mechanism for hiding their own insecurities and fears?

A recent chat with my friend Sarah really got me thinking about this. She said, “I used to think that selfish people were just jerks. But, then I realized that a lot of them probably feel really insecure inside.” And, you know, I think she might be onto something.

What Is Self-Esteem, and How Does It Relate to Selfishness?

Defining Self-Esteem

Well, first off, let’s talk about self-esteem. It’s one of those things that’s thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean? Basically, self-esteem is how you view your own worth. It's your overall sense of self-value, your confidence in your abilities, and the way you believe others see you. When your self-esteem is high, you feel good about yourself, and when it’s low, you feel insecure and unworthy.

The Connection Between Low Self-Esteem and Selfishness

So, how do these two things—low self-esteem and selfishness—tie together? Honestly, selfishness can sometimes stem from insecurity. When someone feels that they don’t deserve love, attention, or validation, they may compensate by acting in a self-centered way. It's almost like they're trying to protect themselves from being hurt or rejected by putting up walls.

Now, I’ll be honest, this was a bit of an “aha” moment for me. A few years ago, I had a close friend who would often act selfishly—never asking how I was, always making the conversation about her. At first, I thought she was just rude. But after talking with her more, I realized her selfish behavior came from deep insecurity. She was always worried that she wasn’t good enough for anyone to care about her unless she was constantly at the center of attention.

Psychological Factors: Why Some People Become Selfish

Fear of Vulnerability

One major factor contributing to selfish behavior is fear—fear of being vulnerable. It’s not that selfish people are bad; it’s that they’re scared. Opening up means exposing weaknesses, and for someone with low self-esteem, that’s terrifying. It’s easier to shield yourself by focusing only on your own needs and desires.

A buddy of mine, Alex, went through something similar. He used to act like he didn’t care about anyone but himself, but after months of therapy, he admitted that he was simply afraid of being hurt. He didn’t want to rely on others because he didn’t think anyone would ever truly love him. So, he kept people at arm's length by being selfish.

Past Trauma or Negative Experiences

Sometimes, selfishness is a result of past trauma or negative experiences. If someone has been hurt or abandoned in the past, they may develop selfish tendencies to protect themselves from being hurt again. They may believe that the only way to survive in the world is to prioritize their own needs, regardless of how it affects others. It’s a defense mechanism, pure and simple.

Can Selfishness Be Overcome?

Self-Reflection and Personal Growth

Actually, this is a tricky question. Can selfishness be overcome? The short answer is yes, but it takes work. If someone has low self-esteem, they first need to acknowledge that their behavior is tied to their insecurity. This self-awareness is the first step toward change.

I’ve seen it happen before with a couple of people close to me. Once they started working on their self-esteem, they became less self-absorbed. It’s not like they suddenly turned into saints, but they started considering other people's feelings more. And that, to me, is progress.

Therapy and Building Confidence

Honestly, therapy is a great tool for people who struggle with selfishness due to low self-esteem. By talking to a professional, they can learn healthier coping mechanisms and address the root causes of their behavior. It’s not going to be an overnight fix, but it’s definitely possible to make progress.

The Bottom Line: Are Selfish People Always Insecure?

Well, after thinking it over, I’d say that not all selfish people necessarily have low self-esteem. But there’s definitely a strong connection between the two. Many people who act selfishly are trying to protect themselves from their own insecurities or past traumas. So, instead of immediately writing them off as “bad people,” it’s worth considering that their behavior might be a result of something deeper.

At the end of the day, selfishness doesn’t have to be permanent. With the right tools, self-reflection, and support, it’s possible to shift those behaviors and build healthier, more empathetic relationships. And hey, it’s never too late to start.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.