Do Narcissists Always Go Back to Their Ex? The Truth You Need to Know

Understanding Narcissism and Relationship Patterns

So, you've probably asked yourself at some point, "Do narcissists always go back to their ex?" I get it. Narcissists are known for their intense and often confusing behavior when it comes to relationships. It can leave you wondering: after all the drama, manipulation, and emotional rollercoasters, why do they always seem to pop up again? Are they genuinely interested, or is it all part of their game? Well, let's dive in.

The Narcissist's Need for Control

One of the core traits of narcissism is the constant need for admiration and control. They want to feel superior, and often, the people in their lives (especially exes) are seen as tools to feed their ego. So, even if they broke up with you—or you with them—they might come back simply because you're a source of validation.

This is not about love. It's about power. Narcissists thrive on the emotional chaos they cause, and getting back with an ex can be part of their manipulation strategy.

Why They Come Back: The Power of the Hoovering Technique

Ah, the infamous "hoovering" technique. This is when a narcissist "sucks" you back into the relationship with false promises or emotional manipulation. It’s called hoovering because, like a vacuum, they tend to swoop in to clean up any emotional scraps they can use to fuel their needs. They'll reach out after months, even years, with some sweet words or acts of kindness that feel genuine—but beware, it’s usually temporary.

I was talking to a friend, Sarah, just last week, who mentioned how her ex—who she now knows was a narcissist—kept texting her during his "down" moments, asking if she was okay. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. He was just trying to reel her back in for more emotional supply. And guess what? It worked for a while.

Do Narcissists Miss Their Exes?

Here’s a tricky one. Narcissists don’t miss people in the way we understand the term. They might feel nostalgic, but it's typically not about you—it’s about the ego boost they get when someone is available for their manipulation. Narcissists may occasionally look back at an ex, but it’s less about love or regret and more about their need to feel important or wanted.

It's Not About You—It's About Them

The truth is, narcissists are self-centered. They don't miss the actual person you are—they miss the way you made them feel. The compliments, the attention, the adoration. So when they come back, it’s almost never about reconciliation. It’s about reinflating their self-esteem and having a constant supply of admiration. If you’re an ex, chances are you’ve served that role at one point.

Can a Narcissist Change Their Behavior?

Now, this is a question I’m sure many of you are asking. Can a narcissist actually change? The short answer? Very rarely. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is deeply ingrained. Sure, therapy and self-awareness can help a narcissist recognize their patterns, but change takes a huge amount of willingness—something most narcissists don’t have.

The Cycle of Repetition

If you’ve been stuck in a cycle of on-again, off-again with a narcissist, you know exactly how it goes. They might go through phases of charm and manipulation, followed by periods of silence or coldness. When they sense you’re moving on, they’ll resurface. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? It’s like playing an endless game where the rules change every time.

And I’ll be honest, I’ve been there myself. An ex who was very narcissistic would periodically come back, all sweet and apologetic, only to disappear again when they got what they needed. It took me a long time to realize that they were never interested in "us." They were interested in control, and as long as I let them, they’d keep coming back for more.

How to Break Free from the Narcissist's Cycle

Breaking free from a narcissist’s grip isn’t easy, especially if they know how to push your emotional buttons. But it is possible. The key is recognizing the patterns and understanding that their return isn’t about love or regret—it’s about them needing you for validation. Once you realize this, it’s easier to resist falling back into the trap.

Set Clear Boundaries and Stick to Them

This is the hard part. When a narcissist comes back, it’s tempting to give in. You might remember the good times or feel sorry for them. But remember: they’re not coming back because they’ve changed—they’re coming back for more. Set clear boundaries and don’t let their manipulation tactics wear you down.

Stay Strong and Move On

It’s important to understand that you deserve so much better than a relationship defined by manipulation and emotional abuse. Narcissists don’t have the capacity for real, reciprocal love. So, while they may come back to you time and time again, it’s up to you to stop the cycle. You deserve peace, and that means moving on for good.

Final Thoughts: Should You Wait for a Narcissist to Change?

To answer the question of whether narcissists always go back to their exes—the answer is: more often than not, yes. But that doesn’t mean they’re capable of change or that you should stick around waiting for them to be the person you want them to be. Narcissists come back for their own selfish reasons, and the best thing you can do is focus on your own healing and future.

It might be tough at first, especially if you’re in that cycle of back-and-forth, but trust me—it’s worth it to move on. Don't let them suck you back into their world. You deserve better, and you can absolutely find it, with someone who values you for who you truly are.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.