Are People with Low Self-Esteem Selfish? The Surprising Truth

What Is Low Self-Esteem, Really?

Low self-esteem is something many of us deal with, though not always in the same way. It’s that nagging feeling that you’re not good enough, like you're constantly falling short compared to others. You might be wondering if people with low self-esteem are selfish. It seems a bit odd, right? After all, the classic definition of selfishness is thinking only of yourself, often at the expense of others. But does that fit with low self-esteem? Let’s dig deeper.

A Quick Dive Into Self-Esteem

Self-esteem refers to how you view yourself, your worth, and your abilities. If you struggle with low self-esteem, you’re more likely to criticize yourself, doubt your decisions, and feel inadequate. I remember a conversation I had with a friend, Sarah, who always beat herself up for things that were, frankly, out of her control. The crazy part? She often apologized for things she hadn’t even done wrong. This is common with low self-esteem—it’s like being in a constant state of self-criticism and self-doubt.

But does this mean people with low self-esteem are selfish?

The Connection Between Self-Esteem and Selfishness

So, here's the thing: low self-esteem could make someone appear selfish, but not in the way you might think. People with low self-esteem often have a tough time balancing their needs with the needs of others. It’s not that they’re deliberately selfish, but their insecurities might lead them to act in self-centered ways, particularly when they feel emotionally drained or misunderstood.

Putting Yourself First: A Natural Response?

Let’s face it, when you feel terrible about yourself, you might need extra space to heal. People with low self-esteem may tend to prioritize their own emotional needs, sometimes at the cost of others. It’s not out of malice; it’s often just a survival mechanism. Take my friend Mark, for instance. He's the nicest guy, but when his self-esteem was at its lowest, he seemed to withdraw from everyone, focusing mainly on himself. He wasn’t doing it to hurt anyone, but he just couldn't seem to get out of his own head.

When people feel bad about themselves, it’s common to turn inward. So, while it might look like they’re selfish, it’s more about them trying to cope with their struggles.

The Subtle Ego Battle

In some cases, low self-esteem can also manifest as a defensive mechanism. Think of it as an emotional wall. People with low self-esteem may put up barriers to avoid feeling exposed or vulnerable. It can make them seem more self-absorbed than they actually are. And it’s tricky—because sometimes, those with low self-esteem feel like they’re always fighting to protect their fragile self-image. If they don’t feel worthy of others’ attention or love, they might retreat into themselves.

The Negative Cycle: Can Low Self-Esteem Make Someone More Selfish?

Here’s where it gets interesting. Can low self-esteem actually make someone more selfish? Let me tell you, I’ve seen it happen. People who are chronically insecure might not be able to give as much of themselves to others, because they’re too wrapped up in their own emotional chaos. The less they feel valued, the more they’ll focus on their own needs.

It’s like a cycle—self-doubt leads to self-protection, which can look like selfishness. But trust me, it’s not always a conscious choice. If you feel like you’re constantly giving and giving without getting anything back, you might eventually say, “Enough is enough. I need to focus on me.”

The Impact of Social Comparison

Let’s not forget that self-esteem is often shaped by how we compare ourselves to others. Someone with low self-esteem might constantly measure themselves against others, feeling like they never quite measure up. This makes them more sensitive to their own perceived flaws, which might lead to actions that come off as selfish. The worst part? They may not even realize it.

Shifting Perspectives: Is It Fair to Label Them as Selfish?

Okay, here's where I’m torn. It’s easy to slap a label on someone with low self-esteem and call them selfish, but is it fair? It’s more complex than that. These individuals aren’t inherently selfish—they’re just caught in a loop of self-preservation. Maybe it’s helpful to see them not as selfish, but as people who are struggling to find balance.

A Shift in Perspective

To put it bluntly, it’s frustrating. I had a colleague, James, who would often withdraw in team meetings, not contributing much. At first, I thought he was being selfish, but later I realized that his lack of involvement stemmed from fear of being judged or not being good enough. Once he felt supported and valued, he started contributing more freely. It wasn’t about selfishness; it was about his fear of inadequacy.

When you take the time to understand what’s driving someone’s behavior, it becomes clear that low self-esteem doesn’t always translate to selfishness. They just need a little extra understanding and support.

How to Help Someone with Low Self-Esteem Without Enabling Selfishness

If you know someone who’s struggling with low self-esteem, here’s a tip: approach them with kindness and patience, but also with honesty. It’s important to encourage them to grow, to not let them retreat too far into their shell, but also not to push them too hard. You don’t want to enable a cycle of emotional self-isolation.

Encourage, But Don’t Enable

The key is to strike a balance. Be supportive without letting them use their low self-esteem as a crutch. I’ll admit, this is something I’ve struggled with—knowing when to push someone and when to give them space. It’s tough, but with practice, you can help them build their confidence in healthy ways.

Final Thoughts: Low Self-Esteem Doesn’t Make Someone Selfish

So, are people with low self-esteem selfish? Not necessarily. Sure, they might seem that way, but it’s usually more about self-preservation than actual selfishness. Low self-esteem often causes people to act in ways that appear self-centered, but this behavior stems from fear, insecurity, and emotional struggle.

Next time you meet someone who seems a little self-absorbed, take a moment to consider what might be behind that. Maybe they’re just trying to get through their own emotional turmoil. Who knows? A little empathy could make all the difference.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.