How to Make an Avoidant Want You Back: Unlocking the Mystery

Okay, let’s be real for a second—relationships are hard. Especially when you're dealing with someone who has avoidant attachment tendencies. If you’re asking yourself, "How to make an avoidant want you back?", trust me, I get it. It’s a frustrating, sometimes confusing journey. I’ve been there too, and I know how it feels to want to connect with someone who seems like they’re always pulling away.

But before you go running after them, let’s break it down. This isn’t about playing games or trying to “trap” someone into loving you again—it’s about understanding how they think, how they process emotions, and how you can respect that while still being true to yourself.

First Things First: What is Avoidant Attachment?

Honestly, understanding avoidant attachment can make all the difference in how you approach this situation. Avoidant individuals are typically uncomfortable with closeness and intimacy. It’s not that they don’t care; it’s just that their instincts make them want to retreat when things get emotionally intense.

I had a conversation with my friend Mia about this not long ago. She was dating someone who would pull away every time she got too emotionally involved. At first, she thought he was just being a jerk. But after doing some digging, she realized his avoidant tendencies were more about self-preservation than a lack of care for her.

So, when you’re trying to figure out how to make an avoidant want you back, know that you’re not dealing with a “bad” person—just someone who might need a bit more space and time to process things.

1. Give Them Space (But Not Too Much)

This sounds like a paradox, right? But honestly, it’s the most important thing you can do. Avoidants need space to feel safe, but if you give them too much space, they might feel like you’ve completely checked out.

I remember this one time when I was dating someone with avoidant attachment. I was so frustrated with the way he kept distancing himself that I just decided to “back off” completely. Well, guess what? He took that as a sign that I wasn’t interested anymore. He started to move on, and I had to scramble to get his attention back. Not my finest moment.

The trick is balance. Don’t chase them, but also don’t disappear. Make sure they know you’re still there and that you care, but let them come to you when they’re ready. This can help them feel less pressured and more likely to reconnect when they’re emotionally available.

2. Don’t Overwhelm Them with Emotions

Avoidants don’t always know how to handle emotions that feel too intense. If you're pouring your heart out and expressing all your feelings about wanting to get back together, it could actually make them retreat further.

I remember when I once had a big emotional conversation with my avoidant ex. I was basically saying, “I miss you. I want us to try again.” He just… froze. He couldn’t handle it. And instead of him opening up, he just shut down completely. That’s the thing with avoidants—they can get overwhelmed by too much emotional intensity.

So, try to keep things light and balanced. Let them know you’re open to reconnecting, but don’t force them into a heavy conversation until they’re ready.

3. Build Trust Slowly

If you’re wondering, “How do I make an avoidant feel secure with me again?” the answer is trust. Avoidants have a deep-seated fear of being rejected or abandoned, and they often push people away before they get hurt.

So, if you want to rekindle something, you need to show them that you’re a safe space for them. This might take time, and honestly, it’s not easy. But if you focus on showing consistency, reliability, and emotional stability, they’ll eventually start to feel more comfortable opening up.

I had this experience with an ex who had major avoidant tendencies. After a period of space, I started texting him once in a while, checking in without overwhelming him. Slowly, we started rebuilding trust. I showed him I was there for the long haul, no pressure, just understanding.

4. Focus on Your Own Life

Here’s something I had to learn the hard way—when you’re trying to get an avoidant back, you can’t lose yourself in the process. You’ve got to keep living your life, pursuing your passions, and having your own emotional life. If they see that you’re okay without them, they might actually start to appreciate you more. It’s a strange thing, but the more independent and self-assured you are, the more likely they’ll want to come back.

I know, it’s easier said than done, especially when you’re emotionally invested in getting them back. But trust me, keeping a sense of self-respect and independence makes a world of difference.

5. Communicate Clearly But Gently

Avoidants can be a bit like emotional turtles. They withdraw into their shells at the first sign of emotional stress. So, instead of demanding clarity or a deep conversation right away, try to communicate in a way that feels non-threatening.

I once had a conversation with an ex who had avoidant tendencies, and instead of accusing him of anything, I said, “I don’t want to push you. But I’d love to know where we stand and if there’s any chance of reconnecting.” It wasn’t loaded with pressure, but it was clear enough for him to understand what I was asking. He appreciated the fact that I wasn’t demanding anything but still wanted clarity.

6. Be Patient

This one is tough. If you’re trying to make an avoidant want you back, you’re going to have to be incredibly patient. It might take weeks, months, or even longer. Avoidants don’t change overnight, and they don’t open up easily. But if you’re willing to take things slow, don’t rush, and respect their need for space, it might pay off.

I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to speed things up or get frustrated. But every time I gave him the space he needed, he would eventually come around, and we’d have a great conversation. It takes time, but patience is key.

Final Thoughts

So, is it possible to make an avoidant want you back? Honestly, yes, but it’s not going to happen overnight. You have to be prepared for some ups and downs, and you have to be patient with the process. If you want it to work, it’s about understanding their emotional needs, respecting their space, and building trust in a way that feels safe and non-pressuring.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I’d probably be a bit more patient and avoid pushing things too fast. But hey, that’s how we learn, right? If you stick to these strategies, you might find that the connection with your avoidant ex comes back stronger than ever.

So, are you ready to give it a try? Let me know how it goes!

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.