Can a Narcissist Accept Defeat? The Truth About Their Ego

Understanding the Narcissist's Need for Control

Well, let's get real for a second. When you think of a narcissist, what pops into your head? Probably someone with a huge ego, right? That need for admiration, the constant craving for validation. Honestly, that's the core of it—narcissists rely on external praise to feel good about themselves. So, when things don’t go their way, defeat becomes a direct threat to their fragile sense of self.

But can they accept it? The short answer: not really. The long answer, however, is much more complex. Narcissists will often go to great lengths to avoid looking like they’ve failed. Ever noticed how some of them deflect blame or minimize their mistakes? Yeah, that’s a defense mechanism.

The Ego’s Fragility: Why Defeat Feels Like a Personal Attack

Here's something I learned after a long conversation with my friend Chris, who’s spent years studying psychology—narcissists, at their core, fear anything that might expose their vulnerabilities. Defeat is like being exposed to them, and they simply can’t stand that feeling. It’s not just about losing; it’s about the world seeing them as less than perfect. A deep dive into their psyche shows that they often feel empty inside, and their grandiose image of themselves is a way to mask that emptiness.

Imagine you're a narcissist and you’re confronted with failure. Your whole world gets shaken. You can’t just let it go like others might. Instead, they twist it, deny it, or shift the blame—whatever it takes to preserve that illusion of control and superiority.

How Narcissists Handle Defeat: The Escalation of Drama

Let’s talk about how narcissists react when they do face defeat. Spoiler: it’s not pretty. When a narcissist is confronted with a loss, their first instinct is often to create a scene. Seriously, I’ve seen this with a friend of mine—he was dating someone who displayed classic narcissistic traits. Whenever something went wrong, she’d escalate the issue, creating chaos just to distract from the fact that she was losing. It was all about making others question the situation rather than admit failure.

The Narcissistic Rage: A Common Response

One thing that happens frequently when a narcissist can’t handle losing is what psychologists call “narcissistic rage.” It’s this intense outburst, often over something small, just because their ego can’t bear to be bruised. They might lash out at people, belittle others, or even try to tear down the very situation that caused them to feel defeated.

And, honestly, I’ve seen this in action. A person I worked with once lost a promotion, and the fallout was unbelievable. Instead of accepting the loss gracefully or learning from it, they spent weeks throwing people under the bus. They couldn’t let themselves believe that they were anything but perfect.

Can a Narcissist Ever Learn to Accept Defeat?

Okay, so here’s where I flip my perspective a little. Can a narcissist learn to accept defeat? Well, maybe. But it’s rare, and it takes a lot of work, especially self-awareness—something narcissists are often allergic to. You’ve got to understand that narcissism is deeply rooted in insecurity, and it’s this insecurity that makes accepting defeat so difficult. For them, failing means they're worthless, which is a huge mental hurdle.

But here’s the kicker. If a narcissist seeks therapy or has some form of intervention (and I mean genuine intervention, not just an attempt to manipulate the therapist), there is a chance they could start understanding why they react the way they do. It’s not an overnight process. But it’s possible for them to learn how to accept that failure is just a part of life, albeit a hard one to swallow.

Personal Growth for Narcissists: Can It Happen?

So, back to that earlier point—can a narcissist actually grow and change? I have a colleague who swears by it. She worked with a narcissistic client for years and said there was a shift in their attitude toward failure over time. It wasn’t perfect, and it didn’t happen quickly, but with consistent effort and guidance, that person started to develop a healthier relationship with defeat. It was like watching someone learn how to ride a bike after years of resisting the idea—slow and shaky at first, but eventually, it clicked.

The Bottom Line: Narcissists and Defeat Don’t Mix Well

At the end of the day, narcissists have a really hard time accepting defeat. It's not about being "sore losers"—it’s about the fragility of their ego. Defeat is like a wound they can't heal easily. They might react with rage, deflection, or even withdrawal, but rarely will they take it on the chin and move forward.

If you’re dealing with someone like this, you’ll probably notice they avoid situations where they could fail or manipulate the outcomes to maintain their image. But, just maybe, with the right support, they could start changing how they handle failure.

But let’s be honest—it’s a long road, and not everyone is ready to walk it. And that’s okay.

Is 165 cm normal for a 15 year old?

The predicted height for a female, based on your parents heights, is 155 to 165cm. Most 15 year old girls are nearly done growing. I was too. It's a very normal height for a girl.

Is 160 cm too tall for a 12 year old?

How Tall Should a 12 Year Old Be? We can only speak to national average heights here in North America, whereby, a 12 year old girl would be between 137 cm to 162 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/3 feet). A 12 year old boy should be between 137 cm to 160 cm tall (4-1/2 to 5-1/4 feet).

How tall is a average 15 year old?

Average Height to Weight for Teenage Boys - 13 to 20 Years

How to get taller at 18?

Staying physically active is even more essential from childhood to grow and improve overall health. But taking it up even in adulthood can help you add a few inches to your height. Strength-building exercises, yoga, jumping rope, and biking all can help to increase your flexibility and grow a few inches taller.

Is 5.7 a good height for a 15 year old boy?

Generally speaking, the average height for 15 year olds girls is 62.9 inches (or 159.7 cm). On the other hand, teen boys at the age of 15 have a much higher average height, which is 67.0 inches (or 170.1 cm).

Can you grow between 16 and 18?

Most girls stop growing taller by age 14 or 15. However, after their early teenage growth spurt, boys continue gaining height at a gradual pace until around 18. Note that some kids will stop growing earlier and others may keep growing a year or two more.

Can you grow 1 cm after 17?

Even with a healthy diet, most people's height won't increase after age 18 to 20. The graph below shows the rate of growth from birth to age 20. As you can see, the growth lines fall to zero between ages 18 and 20 ( 7 , 8 ). The reason why your height stops increasing is your bones, specifically your growth plates.